


Things Change

by ShadowGale96



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Asian Levi, Biracial Levi, F/F, F/M, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Modern AU, Original Character(s), Plot With Porn, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reincarnation, Slow Burn, mostly eruri, non-binary, non-binary hanji, with mikenana and mobuhan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-03-02 03:19:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 39,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13309335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowGale96/pseuds/ShadowGale96
Summary: They lived in a cruel world. Eventually, everyone from that life met their bitter end. But, against all odds and expectations, the veterans of the Survey Corps find themselves given a second chance at life. Reborn with the memories of the past, they're living in a new world. One that is much kinder than the old one. It seems this new life has provided the perfect chance to rekindle old relationships and pursue dreams thought beyond reach, but sometimes... things change.





	1. Begin Again

 

Erwin’s key clicked into the lock. The knob twisted, and he pulled the door open slightly shoving his foot in-between the door to keep it ajar. Chaotic cheering roared through the small space. Erwin let out a groan. His muscles were beginning to strain under the weight of his groceries. Carefully, he maneuvered several of his bags back into his key arm and kicked the door open.

“Hey.” Mike called. The TV volume lowered slightly.

“You know, I gave you that key for emergencies.” Erwin said making his way into the kitchen.

Erwin passed through the sway door conveniently close to the entryway. He let the bags drop onto the counter. The kitchen had an open wall with a nice black marble counter that allowed for the kitchen to have a clear view of the living room. Where Mike was sprawled out on a fine black couch watching tv.

Mike smirked glancing over his shoulder at Erwin. “It was.”

Erwin eyed Mike skeptically as he began unpacking his groceries.

“There was a game, and you have cable.” Mike stated.

“And the emergency?”

“I have stakes in this one.” Mike said.

Without looking up Erwin asked. “Hanji?”

“Yeah, I’ve got serious money riding on this.”

“Does Hanji even watch football?”

“Doesn’t need to apparently. Said ‘mathematical probability’ was all that really mattered.”

Erwin huffed out a laugh. “Then you are going to lose.”

“You don’t know that.”

Erwin grabbed a six pack from the fridge and walked into the living room handing one to Mike who nodded his thanks. Erwin fell back into his recliner across from Mike. “I am a bit surprised you didn’t help yourself.”

“I’m not that bad.” Mike said cracking open his drink.

No, Mike wasn’t that bad.

They lived in the same apartment complex for the past several years. It was convenient, especially after reuniting with each other back in college. It had been a hell of a thing for the both of them. Besides his father, Erwin had yet to run into anyone from his former life. It left him wondering if anyone else was roaming this world with broken memories of the past. However, when he was walking around his campus those first days of college, Erwin’s mind was so preoccupied he hadn’t expected to run into a familiar face.

Erwin had run straight into the taller man on his way to class. Erwin was pretty tall, and he knew it. So, slamming into someone’s chest was quite a surprise. He couldn’t have been ready for what happened next. With a stunned blink, Erwin looked up and was met with messy blond hair, an oversized football jersey, and the much younger face of one of his closest friends. Initially Erwin felt overjoyed, but a silent fear gnawed at him. _Would Mike remember too?_

He got his answer almost instantly. Mike’s expression cracked before pulling Erwin into a bone crushing hug. Without any words, Erwin knew this was Mike. Mike gripped Erwin hard. Evidently Mike had been just as alone as he had been.

Class was forgotten, and the two left campus to catch up. They ended up moving in together, both for money reasons and because they wanted to stay close. The fact that they both went to the same college gave him a good excuse to tell his father for why he moved in so quickly with someone he just met.

For a while, Mike and Erwin had lived happily together as roommates. It wasn’t long before Erwin began to realize something. The more time that went by, the more memories from their past slowly creeped back. With it, came a bombardment of emotions. Erwin could push through it for the most part.  On bad day a few drinks helped to ease his aching heart. Sorting through his memories was stressful but, for Mike, it was a whole different situation. Mike started having panic attacks. These attacks gradually became more frequent. Usually they happened late at night spawning from nightmares. Erwin would wake to hear crashing from Mike’s room, only to rush in to find the man hunched on the floor choking on air.

Every time, while seated next to his friend on the floor, Erwin asked Mike if he could remember what he’d been dreaming, and every time Mike replied the same. “I don’t know.” or “I can’t remember.”

With time, Mike’s panic attacks slowly became more manageable but never truly let up. After college, Mike gained enough confidence and wanted to try living on his own. Mike wouldn’t say it, but Erwin didn’t miss the dark look after a particularly bad attack, or the guilty expressions when Erwin rushed to his care.

Erwin wasn’t so sure about his friend moving out, but luckily Mike didn’t move far. He ended up moving into an apartment a couple floors down. Enough for independence but close enough if something were to happen.

Which brought them to where they were now. Best friends, old comrades, and former roommates living in the same apartment complex.

“While you’re here I wanted to ask…” Erwin began. Mike looked away from the Tv giving Erwin his full attention. “We have some representatives from another city coming in tomorrow for a meeting. I could use help setting up if you have the time.”

Mike gave Erwin a questioning look. “You’ve never asked for help before.”

“I’m a bit understaffed at the moment.” Erwin explained. It wasn’t technically a lie. He had to fight back a grin but that was a losing battle.

“Don’t smile at me like that. It’s creepy.”

“Like what?” Erwin asked innocently taking a sip.

“Like you’re planning something.” Mike shook his head. “I don’t know man, the kids over at Little League keep me pretty busy…”

“Mike.” Erwin said. His tone becoming serious as he held the taller man’s gaze. “Trust me, you’re going to want to help me out with this one. “

Mike eyed Erwin for a moment. “You know something.”

“You’ll have the facts soon enough.” Erwin said offering a devilish grin. Before Mike could respond, there was a noise from the game.

The TV erupted into cheers and final whistle blows.

Mike shot up from his seat. “Goddammit!” Mike shouted.

Erwin laughed as Mike collapsed back onto the couch.

The next day, Mike accompanied Erwin to his work. The man was still in a sour mood having lost yesterday’s bet. Seeing a man of Mike’s size, slump into his seat with a grumpy expression that was almost childlike was nothing short of hilarious. The man’s grumpy expression lasted the whole drive to work and the elevator ride up to the meeting room. Erwin’s coworkers watch the two with wide eyes as they passed through the building. Never had they seen Erwin be dwarfed by someone. The larger man’s grim demeanor didn’t do much to set their minds at ease.

They reached the meeting room, and Erwin closed the door behind them.

“Alright. What are we doing?”

Erwin scanned the room for something to occupy Mike. Luckily, whoever was there before them didn’t clean up after themselves.

“Let’s clear off the paperwork, then we can move some of these chairs back.”

Without a word, Mike began shifting through the papers. Organizing and stacking them into neat piles. They cleaned in silence for a minute or so. But, that silence was steadily getting heavier, and Mike was starting to eye him as he stacked.

“You needed my help for this?” Mike questioned.

“Not just this.” Erwin admitted not wanting to lie to his friend flat out.

“What else are we doing?”

“Patience.”

Mike groaned. “You’re a pain in the ass sometimes, you know that?”

Erwin tilted his chin down, trying to suppress a smile. As he regained his composure, Erwin looked back at Mike and told him they could start moving the chairs. Mike didn’t look convicted, but started lifting anyway.

They had only gotten a few chairs in when Mike stilled. His large shoulders went rigid.

“Do you smell that?” He said.

“I can’t say that I do.” Erwin offered his friend a soft smile. “What do you smell?”

“It’s…fruity.” Mike muttered. “Like strawberries. And sweet like…”

Before Mike could finish, the door swung open, and someone marched into the boardroom. It was a woman: tall and strong. Her shining lemon pixie cut swayed along with the click of her heels that would make her tower over most.

“Oh!” She yelped noticing the other men standing in the room. Lowering the clipboard in her hands she said, “My apologies, I didn’t think anyone would be…” Her voice trailed off into nothing.

Powder-blue eyes went widened in shock. The room became deafeningly quiet.

“Nana.” Mike whispered as if he didn’t quite believe it.

“Mike.” Nanaba blinked and turned her gaze. “and Erwin. You’re both…”

Erwin smiled offering her a slight nod of confirmation.

Although it took Mike a moment, he eventually regains some composure straightening his back. Then, hesitantly, he took a step toward her. And then another. Every step was treated like it might be the one to make her disappear. Suddenly, he was right in front of her. Gazing into her eyes with the same amount of disbelief that she looked back at him with.

“You look different.” Mike fumbled, still staring.

Nanaba let out a light laugh. “Yes, Well. Makeup is kind of a standard now.” Her fingertips brushed the blush on her cheeks.

“You look amazing. You’ve always looked amazing.” He breathed.

Nanaba’s smile widened as the red in her cheeks darkened.

Erwin didn’t know exactly what he had been expecting. What happened next, however, left him speechless. The man Erwin had once known as one of humanity’s strongest soldiers…broke. Strong shoulders hunched, and legs gave way beneath him. Mike crumbled to the floor, Nanaba willingly sinking along with him.

Mike’s back jerked, and a pitiful sob broke out from his chest. Then another, and another. Mike’s arms wrapped around Nanaba completely and pulled her in tighter. He clung to her desperately holding her to him so that nothing would dare pull her away. It must have hurt, but Nanaba didn’t show it her arms were around him as well and holding him with just the same amount of ferocity. She nuzzled into him as he wept into her.

Instinctually, Erwin stepped forward reaching out to Mike, but stopped himself. This wasn’t a panic attack. Mike didn’t need him to bring him out on anything. He was safe in Nanaba’s arms. Reluctantly, Erwin lowered his hand back to his side. Erwin realized he wasn’t needed here.

He smiled fondly toward the couple. “I’ll give you both some time. It really is good to see you again”

Nanaba lifted her head from Mike’s shoulder, her eyes shining with tears. “Thank you, Erwin.”

“Take as long as you need.”  Erwin said.

Erwin slipped a hand into his suit pocket and made his way out of the room. He opened the door, pausing to look back. Warmth spread through his chest at the sight of his friends. They sat in the center of the room holding each other in near silence if it wasn’t for Mike’s light sobbing into Nanaba’s shoulder.

Turning away, Erwin firmly gripped the doorknob as he gently shut the door behind him. There was a soft _click_ and a happy breath finally escaped. With that, Erwin walked back down the hall.

Seeing Nanaba again was wonderful. Part of Erwin wanted to stay, but right now Mike was the one who deserved her attention. They would all have time to catch up later.

He reached the elevator and at the ding nearly walked straight into another familiar face.

“Nile.” Erwin greeted.

The man let out a frustrated scoff. “There you are! I’ve lapped the entire building looking for you!” Nile said waving the folders in his hand. “Before we meet this Rep, I have some numbers I need to run by you-”

Erwin held a hand up stopping Nile. “The meeting has been rescheduled.”

“What.” He said flatly.

Erwin knitted his brows guiltily. “I’m so sorry, Nile, I forgot to tell you sooner.”

“Well, thanks for telling me!”

“Sorry.”

Nile let out a frustrated huff and ran a hand through his choppy hair.

“Since we aren’t having a meeting, we could get a head start on those reports from yesterday.”

Nile was glaring at him now. “Seriously?”

“I’ll pay for coffee.” Erwin offered.

“Fine, But for God sakes give me a heads up next time.”

Erwin smiled. “Of course.”

After a very long day of punching numbers with Nile, Erwin arrived back at his apartment and kicked off his shoes. His coat practically melted off him as he walked in. It unceremoniously fell to the floor already forgotten. Erwin let out a heavy sigh and collapsed on his couch.

Pulling his phone out of his pocket, He checked for any new messages. He’d returned to the boardroom after a couple hours of work to check on Mike and Nanaba only to find the room abandoned. He decided to let them be, assuming Mike would check in later. Erwin frowned at his phone. Nothing. Since Erwin had no new texts, where they were was anyone’s guess. But Mike’s an adult and Nanaba has a car, so they are fine. Wherever they are.

With a heavy sigh, Erwin quickly began texting the one other person he’d yet to inform: Hanji.

 **Erwin** : Hey, Hanji.

The response was almost immediate.

 **Hanji** : Ooooo whats going on?

 **E** : Why does something have to be happening?

 **H** : U always text when ur planning something or somethings up. :P

 **H** : So wutz up?

Erwin chuckled to himself. Of course, Hanji knows him so well.

 **H** : If ur txtn to get Mike outta his bet then no.

 **E** : Well, it does involve Mike.

 **H** : I KNEW IT.

 **H** : He’s not get’n out of this. I’m calling him!

 **E** : Don’t call Mike yet!

 **H** : why?

 **E** : I’m giving him some time to absorb everything, and I wanted to let you know what was going on. Don’t panic, but we found Nanaba.

 **H** : WHAT

 **H** : ThATZ AMAZING!!!

 **H** : OMG!!! HOW???

 **E** : My firm was considering sponsoring a charity, and when I was going through the list of options, Nanaba popped up on a children’s education Rep sheet, so I gave the organization a call.

 **H** : U sneaky Devil!! XD

 **H** : And aw she works with kids??? Thtz adorable.

Erwin let out a soft laugh.

 **E** : It would seem so.

 **H** : Was she here in town?

 **E** : No, she came from a couple of towns over. They were hoping to establish a branch here, so here’s hoping Nanaba might have a good excuse for staying.

 **H** : Like WE aren’t a good enough reason, but I get yuh.

 **H** : I hope she stays. It’ll be nice to see another familiar face.

Erwin smiled as a familiar ache settled in his chest. Of course, it was good to see Nanaba again, and maybe it was inconsiderate on his part, but the more people they found the more Erwin’s mind drifted to the one person he had yet to find.

_Levi._

This would always bring on another flood of unwelcome questions. Do others even live in this new world? If they do, would they ever be lucky enough to cross paths? Nanaba had lived for years less than a hundred miles away from Mike and Erwin, and they had been none the wiser. Who else was living right under his nose unseen? What about those who may be living farther away?

The world was much larger now. It wasn’t walls that divide people now but rather languages, countries, oceans, and continents.  

The more Erwin thought about it the bleaker the chances the odds seemed to be.

 **E** : I hope so too, Hanji.

The next day, Hanji exploded through Erwin’s door. Darting through his house with overwhelming excitement. It was Saturday, and it was 7 AM. Any attempt to inform Hanji of this was made in vain. Erwin prepared his coffee at a snail’s pace while Hanji paced the house declaring that Mike and Nanaba had had a day now it was their turn to see her.

So, at a much more reasonable hour, Erwin messaged Mike inviting everyone to his apartment.

Hanji flew into the blonde woman. A weaker person would have been sent barreling backwards through the doorway, but Nanaba was prepared and quite sturdy. Hanji’s legs hung in the air behind them while hugging Nanaba supported both of their weights with ease.

Nanaba smiled at Hanji patting the mop of tangled brown curls punching against her face.

“Hanji!” She greeted warmly. “It’s so wonderful to see you.”

Mike and Erwin laughed at the two, and, after a minute of two spent prying Hanji off Nanaba, they settled in the living room. Everyone got settled except Hanji who preferred standing next to the group.

Hanji bounced on energetic toes. “It’s like we’re getting the gang back together!”

Nanaba smirked before looking around the room. “We’re getting there at least.” She said softly.

The room then filled with a deafening silence.

Guilt settled in the pit of Erwin’s stomach. Looking at his friends, Erwin knew they all had thought of Levi, but his wasn’t the only face the others were remembering. The comrades they had lost numbered in the hundreds. Erwin could only guess the people his friends were thinking about now: most likely their squamates.

Moblit, Nifa, Henning, Keiji, Gelgar, Lynne, and…

Erwin blinked. His mind drawing a blank. There had been one with goggles whose name escaped him. Shaking his head, Erwin let out a heavy sigh before leaning back in his chair. Too many faces too many names. He could never remember them all even though he’d spent hours poring through recruit forms and death notices trying too.

On particularly hard nights, Levi had found his way into Erwin’s office demanding he rest. His hand would wind around Erwin’s to forcibly halt the movements of the pen.

A soft smile pulled at Erwin’s lips.

Mike cleared his throat gaining Erwin's attention. Looking up, they were all looking at him with solemn expressions. He could only guess what face he’d been making to earn these looks. Of course, they all knew exactly who he was thinking about. Making this evening about himself was not Erwin’s intention. This was about Nanaba. They should be happy. Erwin straightened up in his seat and masked his emotions quickly by smiling to Nanaba’s.

“Anyhow, we’re all curious what you’ve been up to.”

With that, the lightning round of questions from Hanji followed suit. All of which Nanaba answered eagerly. Her eyes beamed with excitement for her new life. She grew up, in a city out of state. And relocated when she was offered a scholarship. She worked with ‘at risk’ youth. Mostly as a counselor, but she also played a major role in expanding her organization’s foothold in the area. This information Erwin saw in his own paperwork.

As the conversation continued, the evening was consumed with questions, and drinking.

When Hanji’s questions thinned out, Nanaba finally managed to get a few in herself. Apparently yesterday, she and Mike had spent most of their time walking and talking, but she only knew the gist of everyone’s situation.

Nanaba asked how they had met Hanji. Mike smiled as he recalled the story. For the longest time, Erwin and Mike were all each other had to confirm their memories of the old world were real. But one day after class, they passed through the park on a whim. A shrieking cry of excitement rang out from the lake. When they rushed to see who made the noise, they found Hanji knee-deep in algae filled water holding up pH samples and test tubes.

“That’s remarkable.” Nanaba said.

Hanji nodded along with the usual insane grin. “Yes, those readings were fascinating. The acidity in that lake had doubled since my previous test.”

Nanaba eyed them up and down. “I meant meeting Erwin and Mike like that.”

Hanji blinked. “Oh, yeah that was interesting too.”

“Ouch, Hanj.” Mike muttered with a wounded expression.

The group laughed. As the laughter died down, it seemed like a perfect opportunity for Erwin to ease his curious mind.

“There is something I’m interested in discussing.” Erwin began.

He clasped his hand in front of him.

“Nanaba, since seeing us again, has there been any change in your memory?” Erwin asked.

She looked at him a little confused.

“Of the past that is.” Erwin clarified. He gestured to the rest of the group. “Overall, we’ve all been remembering more and more as time goes on.  Our memories seem to recover faster whenever we meet others from that life.”

She glanced around at the nodding faces of her friends that confirmed Erwin’s words.

“Me too.” Nanaba agreed. “I’ve noticed that I gradually remember more as time goes by.”

“How far do you remember, Nana?" Mike asked.

Nanaba crossed her eyes for brief moment before answering. After taking a breath, she answered in an unsteady voice. “Most events leading up to the 57th expedition I think. But there’s still a lot of blur in through there.”

Mike gave her shoulder a comforting squeeze.

“Same for us.” Mike said looking around the room. Quietly he added. “Mostly.”

She turned to Mike with a quizzical look.

“What he means to say is that we do have some memories beyond that.” Erwin elaborated.

Hanji nodded. “That’s right. Erwin, where did you say you got to?”

“I remember walking through the city and going to the capital. The next day fades into a bit of a blur.”

There was more that he didn’t say. He wishes he didn’t remember the terrible ride back. Their defeat had been a devastating one. But the loss he could live with. The part that was difficult to stomach was the forlorn look among his men, and the bodies that would never be coming home. Yes, he remembers the dead. What’s the most haunting, he couldn’t say: the screams of the dying, or the screams of the families. Both are impossible to forget, regardless.

These were thing his friends shouldn’t be reminded off.

So, he doesn’t talk about it. But there are other things he doesn’t mention either.

He remembers the knock on his door the night they returned. Levi should have been grieving. Everyone else was. But his captain was standing in his doorway, wearing his normal blank expression. For a moment, it was like nothing had changed. Like it was just another normal night of drawing out plans and filling out paperwork instead of signing death notices that piled high next to him.

Levi cooked dinner. There was a tray steaming hot in Levi’s hands. Without so much as a word, He set it gently on Erwin’s desk and nudged the papers out of reach. Erwin didn’t move. He just watched as Levi shifted everything around.

A chair lifted and was placed on the opposite side of Erwin’s desk. Erwin didn’t miss the pained wince as Levi adjusted it. Levi struggled for a moment, trying to glide gracefully down into his seat, but ended up plopping into it with a huff. Steel eyes meet his own. He let out a frustrated sigh and leaned forward, plucking the pen out from Erwin’s hand.

 _Oh_. Was he still holding that?

Levi eyed his food demanding Erwin eat with a narrowing of his brows. He took the hint. Erwin ate his meal in silence as Levi began shifting through the death notices. It wasn’t his first time helping with this.

They barely spoke a word to each other that whole evening. But it wasn’t out of frustration or bitterness. They just didn’t need the words. The mission had failed. People had died. So, they went through the motions.

Together, they finished filling out the death notices. Levi clears the desk of dishes. When he returns, he guides Erwin back to his private bathroom. Everything is a step as Levi helps undress him. Jacket, tie, laces, boots, socks, pants. It all just melts away under Levi’s hands. They soaked in the burning water for an eternity. Neither complained. The heat eased their aching bodies.

After a while, Levi seemed to have finally relaxed enough to release a heavy breath. One that was filled with all the strife from the day. With his smaller body pressed up tight against Erwin’s, he could feel Levi’s entire body deflated. Releasing the heavy weight of grief. There was a moment of silence. A moment where Levi didn’t breathe at all. In that moment, Erwin worried he wouldn’t.

Then he breathed again.

No, Erwin doesn’t tell anyone about these memories or how Levi held him that night.

Erwin shakes his head and is back in the present. He hopes the somber look has left his face but isn’t too sure.

Erwin gestured toward Mike. “Mike seems to recall the most though.”

“I remember the ride back, and when we got to the Wall. Afterward is mostly a blur, but I remember being reassigned with the 104th.” Mike explained.

Nanaba blinked. “I don’t remember anything that happened after that mission.” There was a flash of panic in her eyes. “Did…Did I not make it back?”

“You did.” Hanji answered quickly. “You survived the mission.”

“Then why can’t I….” She trailed off.

Nanaba sank forward clutching her pantlegs. Dread consuming her expression before blonde strands fell obscuring her face. Her breath hitched, and shoulder became ridged as she struggled to remain calm. Erwin watched as Nanaba’s nails dug into her pants.

“Give it time.” Erwin offered kindly. “Like we said, We all started recalling more from our past after reuniting with one another. You might as well.”

Nanaba looked up at Erwin. She took a deep breath and let it out slow. She eased back up into a more comfortable position and leaned more into Mike who gave Erwin a thankful nod. He held her protectively for a few seconds as she relaxed.

Erwin was more than fine putting this conversation on hold. Even if she didn’t know why she was panicking it was important to be there for her. He had done this with Mike enough times to understand.

After a minute or so, Nanaba was calm enough to keep going.

“So, what are we thinking?” Nanaba asked. “are our memories situation based or time based?”

“Perhaps a bit of both.” Hanji pondered.

“Perhaps.” Erwin agreed. “It does seem the most likely.”

Mike let out a frustrated sigh. “I’m getting tired of dealing with all these holes in my mind.”

Erwin nodded. It was frustrating. They had died. They wouldn’t be here now if they hadn’t. But every time he thought he had a grasp on what happened, more memories would appear.

He’d never really remembered dying. In fact, most of the memories leading up to his end were a bit of a blur. It seemed like that the way it was for everyone. As the conversation continued, they realized Mike, Hanji, and Nanaba all struggled recollecting their final moments in their old life. That old life they all shared, it was like a dream. They never quite remembered how it started or were it ended. All Erwin really had to work with was everything in between. That was his life.

There were questions that unfortunately couldn’t be answered in one night alone. Eventually, the night ended and the group parted ways. There was a strange feeling of solitude left behind when the door finally closed. The sudden silence blared from room to room in Erwin’s home. It lingered the entire time Erwin prepared for bed. As he settled down for the night the image of Mike and Nanaba crept into mind. The entire time they were over, Mike clung to her. His arm always draped behind her or his hand grazing her knee as if to keep her just within reach.

Erwin smirked.

The behavior would die down as Mike adjusted to her presence, but it was still sweet.

Erwin rolled in his bed turning to the empty space beside him. In another life, someone filled that emptiness. In his wake, there was a cold absence. Erwin’s heart sank a little deeper into his chest.

Within a few days, life returned to normal. Only now they had to adjust to a new friend to see and talk with. It was a welcome change. And not the only one. As the weeks rolled by, Autumn settled in creating vibrant displays of color throughout the city. It made days seem lighter. On one such day, Erwin found himself walking near the park.

His shoes taped along the sidewalk, gleaming bright as they reflected the light of the setting sun. Erwin let his head fall back. His eyes slipped close, and he took a deep breath. Fall was in the air. There was something sweet about this time of year. Behind closed lids he tried to envision it. The air smelt earthy, with a blend of amber and spice. A chuckle escaped him.

The air smells like amber? Erwin could practically hear the scoff behind him. Even with his eyes closed Erwin knew the expression on the man’s face.

“ _Colors aren’t smells, idiot_.” the voice says.

He felt his back muscles tense: waiting for the shove and the sarcastic remark that always followed his wonderings. But none came. Erwin’s eyes felt heavy suddenly. His brows furrowed as he forced his eyes to return to reality. He hadn’t spoken his thoughts aloud since he was walking alone.

With a sigh Erwin’s head fell. He started watching his feet as they pattered along the sidewalk. It was relaxing. His feet rhythmically moving back and forth like the pendulum of a grandfather clock. The swaying soothed him as he took each dreadful step back to his empty apartment.

It would be foolish to think Mike would be in tonight after everything that’s happened the past few days.

Just a few yards away, beyond the chain barrier to his side, there was a small blissful breathy laugh. It was light enough that most wouldn’t have heard it over the rustling leaves and murmuring voices of passersby. But he was not most people, and most people didn’t ache for this sound. The moment it touched Erwin’s ears, a deafening beat of his heart demanded he pay attention.

Erwin stopped. Slowly, He turned toward the sound. His heart began to beat again now fluttering with hope. His eyes widened.

It was the face Erwin knew better than his own. Beyond the chain-length fence bathing in the orange glow of the evening sun, a man was walking. Erwin barely registered the other two individuals walking on either side of him. All Erwin saw was the man’s soft smile as he let out puffs of laughter. It was a beautiful sound.

Levi.

The familiar pallor of Levi’s skin was practically glowing in this light, and his cheeks full and tinted a light red from Fall’s chilling breeze. His eyes, narrow, but the smoothness of his brow showed a peacefulness to Levi’s expression that had once been a rarity. He was relaxed as he chatted away with his companions. He looked different though. Levi’s ink black hair had grown significantly and was pulled back into a ponytail. It swayed slightly as he walked. Erwin’s heart began to swell. It was adorable. Erwin remembered how that hair spilled across his bed at night. At the length it was now, it could probably cover an entire pillow if undone. Erwin clung to that image, desperate to see it again. It seems Levi kept a modified rendition of his old look. Despite the length, there was still a familiar hint of a crewcut above his ears.

Erwin let out a gasp, breathing the first real breath since spotting Levi. A huge grin appeared on his face. It’s Levi.

Nothing but a few yards and a chain length fence divided them, but Levi was still walking. Erwin’s surprise had allowed him to get further away.

“Levi!” Erwin called out.

The trio was close enough to the fence for the sudden noise to startle them. The group turned towards him. Levi’s steel-grey eyes found Erwin.

Erwin’s heart fluttered seeing those eyes again. Although, he noticed that these too had changed. Levi’s eyes were no longer decorated with dark circles and stress lines. That familiar look of irritability was lost. His eyes were now smooth and vibrant as they stared at Erwin.

Levi’s brows raised slightly. A soft look of shock appeared on his face.

Erwin's hands gripped the chain fence. His nails dug into his palms as he contained his composure.

One of the people standing at Levi’s side was a young woman. Her hair pulled up into twin buns framing her bubbly face. Her large brown eyes scanned Erwin up and down. “You know this guy, Lee?”

Several lose strands of hair hugged the edges of Levi’s face. He narrowed his eyes somewhat questionably as he looked at Erwin.

“No, I don’t.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT? Levi doesn't remember Erwin?!?! NOOOOooooo
> 
> Hey! Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. This is something I wanted to write for a while and I've been working on it on and off. I'm really pumped to finally have the first chapter out. I'm really happy how some parts turned out, others i'm a little iffy on. I felt like first chapter had to be a lot of setup for this world. I'm just glad it's out. 
> 
> Erwin misses Levi so much it :C. Speaking of Erwin, He seems to daze off a lot. I've seen a lot of reincarnation stuff before that never really brings up the trauma these people went through. They all have much better lives here, but that trauma still effects them. I'll write more with the other characters in later chapters. so far, Erwin has trouble staying present sometimes and is still racked with guilt. I think he wants others to find happiness as a way to atone. Then Mike suffers from frequent panic attacks and night terrors from things his mind is trying to block out. GEE, I WONDER WHY. Hanji is probably the smiling face that is screaming on the inside type. I'm not sure If I'll do to much with Nanaba but she might be the type to try and ignore her trauma. like she can't handle it being brought up at all.
> 
> Also, those aren't typos with Mike. I like to think he's the type of guy to give his friends nicknames (Nana, Nanabanana, Hanj). I bet he called Erwin 'shorty' before he became commander. I think Levi would be the only person he calls by name just because nothing else seems to really fit.
> 
> I love ponytail Levi so much, so in this world he has a ponytail. Part of me also wanted to get this out before we see Levi in the manga again. I wanna know If I'm right about the ponytail. I hope he has one after the time jump, so i'm keeping my figures crossed. But why did Levi say he didn't recognize Erwin? Why doesn't he remember him? Answers for a later chapter.
> 
> Anyway, Thanks for reading. Please comment and kudos! I appreciate them, and they let me know it you liked it and are interested in reading more.


	2. Remember Me

 

Erwin stood there. Paralyzed. His mind reeling.

Levi was right in front of him. Millions of thoughts shot through his mind like a lightning strike. Things he wanted to say. Things he couldn’t say before. Things he wanted to tell his captain since the moment he remembered his face. Now, Levi was standing right in front of him. He was more perfect and real and alive than all the fragmented memories in his head could ever be. There was so much Erwin longed to tell him.

But Erwin’s words caught in his throat leaving him choking on disbelief. The way Levi was watching him with confused eyes and his brows slightly knitted wasn’t something he anticipated. Not that he’d known exactly what he had been expecting. Levi had a tendency to do the most unexpecting things. In actuality, maybe he should have seen this coming.

Another breeze gusted by slightly disheveling Erwin’s blond hair. Dozens of leaves screeched passed his feet being dragged by the wind. Upon hearing the noise, Erwin realized he had been silent for too long. He had to speak.

 “You… don’t remember me?” He stammered out.

There was a pause as Levi watched him. His next words sent a bitter chill through Erwin’s veins.

“Should I?” Levi asked tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear.

The action left Erwin's chest aching.

Yes.

 _Yes, you should._ Erwin’s mind screamed.

His grip tightened on the fence. It was the only thing tethering him to Earth. That and Levi’s enrapturous gaze. Erwin’s arms suddenly felt so heavy. He longed to touch him, hold him, and just to not have this damned fence dividing them.

Next to them, shoes rubbed against pavement. Levi’s friends were shifting on their heels next to him trying to get a read on the situation. But not Levi. He stood resolute and calm.  His face melted from surprise into something unreadable.

Erwin didn’t answer the question. How could he?

Levi huffed out a breath gave Erwin an annoyed look.

Erwin didn’t understand it. _Why would he… Oh._ Erwin had been staring. For an instant he wondered how long he’d been staring at Levi in silence as the man waiting for a response.

Levi shook his head and turned to leave.

The doe-eyed girl and another man off to Levi’s side were still watching Erwin curiously. Levi nudged at both of their arms muttering an annoyed ‘let’s go’ to get them moving again.  

“Levi.” Erwin called again.

Levi turned back to him. His grey eyes softened apologetically. “I’m sorry, but you’ve got the wrong guy.”

“I-” Erwin murmured. His voice left him.

Levi didn’t wait for him to continue. He sharply turned heel tugging his friends along. They stumbled from Levi’s speed but quickly adjusted and stepped in-tune with him. Levi and his friends were now walking at a quick pace away from the fence and back down the stone path.

Erwin could only watch silently suffocating from the ache Levi’s words created. His legs felt cemented in place. Frozen in uncertainly and confusion and hurt as Levi vanished from view. Panic rose in Erwin. His heartbeat steadily growing louder in his ears. He couldn’t let Levi go like this.

Then he was moving. His body moved without instruction. His fingers tapped along the diamond wires of the fence, ticking louder and faster as Erwin went from light jog to a dead sprint to the nearest entryway into the park. Dress shoes pounded along the stone ground erratically along with his heartbeat. He didn’t know what he was doing or what he was going to say, but he had to try.

He curved into the park and bounded down the path at an inhuman speed. As he ran, he slammed carelessly into the shoulders of unexpecting parkgoers. Erwin didn’t even register the annoyed ‘Hey!’s from the other people in the park. Erwin didn’t hear them. He could barely see them. There was only one person his eyes were looking for right now.

Erwin ran. He searched the entire park. Levi hadn’t been that far ahead, but somehow… Levi had vanished.

Minutes passed, Erwin slowly came to a halt. His chest heaved as he looked around at the empty paths. Levi was gone. A heavy breath escaped him, and he allowed his eyes to slide closed. He hunched over breathing hard as what now felt like frozen air burned into his lungs. Messy strands of blond fell into his vision.

Levi was gone. He lost him.

He grabbed his phone from his pocket. His hands shook as he fumbled with it. He typed as quickly as he could with fingers trembling over the keys and sent out an urgent group message.

* * *

“Are you sure it was him?”

“I know what Levi looks like, Mike.”

The group of friends sat together in Erwin’s apartment. Erwin practically sprinted home after the encounter with Levi. Mike and Nanaba were already waiting outside the door when Erwin arrived. Several minutes later Hanji joined him. They were breathing far more fanatically then Erwin had been. Evidently, Hanji ran all the way from the campus to Erwin’s apartment. Everyone took a moment to calm down before taking a seat. Mike and Nanaba took their place across from Erwin sitting together on the couch as Hanji leaned against the back, gripping it tight, eagerly listening to Erwin with intense eyes.

“I know, but it's not like we're living in such a small world anymore. There are bound to be people that look like him." 

Hanji pushed up their glasses. “Statistically, Mike has a point.” they said turning back to Erwin. “Maybe it wasn’t him.”

Erwin’s hand slammed onto the table. He nearly shouted. “I know Levi!”

There was a beat of silence. Erwin took a breath and allowed himself to deflate. A gentle hand found Erwin’s shoulder giving him a slight squeeze.

“I know it was him.” Erwin repeated, more to convince himself rather than the others. He looked up meeting Hanji’s concerned gaze. “It was him.”

 “I believe you.” Hanji murmured offering another light squeeze. “We’re just trying to consider all the options.”

Erwin hummed something in agreement.

“Did anything seem different about him? Anything at all?” Hanji asked softly.

“Well, he looked different.” Erwin said with a nod.

“How so?” Mike asked.

Erwin lightly smoothed his hair back. “Levi’s hair was longer. He wore it up in a ponytail.”

Mike and Nanaba blinked trying to picture it. They had all spent years with Levi from before. One thing they all knew well was that Levi was a creature of habit. From his cleaning, to his routine workouts, Levi knew how he liked things to be done and was seldom to alter his activities. In the six years they had all been friends, Levi’s appearance had remained the same.

“Hmm, that’s new.” Mike said.

“Not really.” Hanji muttered with crossed arms. Their eyes downcast as Hanji stared at something beyond Erwin’s floor.

Erwin, Mike, and Nanaba exchanged brief glances of confusion before looking back at Hanji. Hanji who had yet to say anything else. The silence jerked Hanji out of whatever they’d been thinking about.

“He had one.” Hanji said pointing to their own messy bun.

The others looked between themselves looking for answers, but they were all surprised but this news.

“Hanji” Erwin said. “We don’t remember that.”

“Hanji remembers something we don’t” Mike muttered a little shocked.

Hanji stared back at them, brown eyes wide with surprise. “I- don’t you…?” They stammered leaving an open question.

Mike shook his head. “The last memory I have is of Levi with shorthair. If you remember his with long hair…” Mike sank back into the couch running an angry hand through his loose hair. “Fucking hell. How much isn’t accounted for from back then?”

Nanaba leaned into him rubbing his shoulder affectionately. Blue eyes looked between Hanji and Erwin revealing just as much concern in them as Mike.

“I mean what are we talking? Mouths? Years after from what we all remember? How long does it take hair to grow.” She questioned.

“Maybe a year?” Mike murmured as he lulled his head back against the cushion.

“What can you tell us Hanji?” Erwin asked.

As Hanji turned to Erwin, glare shined off their glasses obscuring their eyes. There was something unsettling about it that Erwin couldn’t place.

Then Hanji shrugged. “It’s broken.” They said with more confidence from before. “It was after the 57th, Something big happened afterward. I remember a lot of death.” Hanji’s ponytail rocked. “After,” Hanji began. Their grim expression told the group just how hard it was for Hanji to talk about. The forgotten horrors of the past hung in the air like a thick fog before Hanji managed to push the rest out- “After **_that_**. Levi actually did let his hair grow out.”

“Really.” Erwin tried to imagine Levi looking like he had in the park back in their old lives.

He tried to see Levi brewing him tea with his hair neatly tied back. Erwin tried to see the hair poking out the back of a mask while the smaller man cleaned and being jostled back and forth between strong scrubs. He imagined the ebony black hair flowing behind him as Levi rode beyond the wall. Erwin tried to picture it, but the visions didn’t come clear. It was hard to see Levi in anything other than his short crew cut. Erwin shook his head. Of course, he would have a hard time picturing it.

But what else was Hanji remembering? He’ll admit, for a while now it felt like Erwin’s memories were teetering on a ledge and there was something massive on the other side he was about to fall into. Whatever it was, the look on Hanji’s face said that it didn’t bode well for them. But why was Hanji even remembering these things?

If Hanji was the only one to remember this then that would suggest…

Perhaps Hanji had lived much longer than they had. Or maybe their memories just hadn’t surfaced yet. But that still didn’t make sense. Their memories typically came back somewhat chronologically. Yes, they should all be slowly remembering more since meeting Nanaba again. That was the pattern: age and individual experience. But this time their memories were coming back much slower, and now Hanji was remembering things far ahead of what the rest of them could?

But what was more peculiar… Hanji hadn’t even seen Levi, and they had regained memories the others hadn’t.

None of this made sense.

For Hanji to remember so far afterward, there was only one real explanation. Hanji and Levi had lived longer. Longer than all of them.

There was something unreal to that thought. Levi had gone on to grow and live a whole life after Erwin died. Hanji’s admission had Erwin thinking in hyperdrive. He wondered how much. How much had Levi changed. How much life did he get to live?

 _How long did he live?_ Erwin wondered.

“So, say it was Levi. Do we have any way to find him again?” Nanaba asked.

Her voice snapped Erwin back to the present.

“Well, if Erwin scared him off, he probably won’t return to the park anytime soon. So, we’ll need to find another way to narrow our search parameters.” Hanji pointed out.

The image of Levi in the park flashed in Erwin’s mind.

He rubbed his temple willing the memory to focus. When the group had turned to look at him there was something off. Nothing ominous, but a detail that now seemed strange. In the moment, Erwin hadn’t noticed. Levi and his friends had all been wearing similar cloths. Black leggings and dark boots. All their hair was tied up. Levi had his ponytail crewcut, the girl had double buns, and the other man in the group sported a messy bun. Erwin recalled the drink in Levi’s hand. Some name brand coffee thermos. Erwin paused.

Levi didn’t drink coffee.

The thermos, the sleek metal had gleamed. It must have been expensive. What was the name he’d seen on the side?

“He may have been with friends from his work. They were all dressed in a similar fashion.” Erwin finally said. He raked his hand through his hair. “He was holding something with a logo on it, but I can’t remember what it said.”

“Hmph, Erwin Smith forgot an important little detail like that?” Mike said in a joking tone trying to lighten the mood.

Erwin glared. “I was a bit distracted.”

Mike smirked. “I’m sure.”

Nanaba elbowed Mike.

“Based on how they were dressed, he most likely works in something culinary related.” Erwin added.

Hanji poised a finger on their chin. “Of course, we need to narrow our options as to where we’ll be most likely to find him again. Figuring out where he might work will probably be our best bet, but I’m more concerned about this loss of memory you described.”

Erwin’s hands intertwined in his lap. “Yes, that was… strange.”

“You say, he didn’t recognize you? Not at all?” Hanji prodded.

“He looked surprised when I called out his name. I tried talking to him, but he kept saying he didn’t know me.”

With that the room went silent.

“Hopefully, we can get to the bottom of this.” Hanji said. There was a heavy moment of pause. “I really miss having him around.”

Nanaba nodded as Mike added. “Yeah, me too.”

* * *

Days crawled by as they all took time to absorb all this new information. And everyone’s life returned to relative normality with Nanaba now in their lives and the dead-end information on Levi. There was always a normal adjustment period after meeting someone from before. Slowly, everyone went back to living with relative ease. Everyone but Erwin that is. Erwin waited for the same to happen with him, but it didn’t. how could it? They didn’t see Levi. Erwin had, and now this whole life felt… tilted.

Following his brief encounter with Levi, Erwin returned to the park every evening after work. Part of him new it was wishful thinking, but he didn’t have much else to go on, and until Hanji or the others came up with a better idea, it was his only option.

It had been about a week since he’d seen Levi, and that week dragged by at an agonizingly slow pace.

People say that love is colorful. Life is brilliant and full of vibrant impassioned hues. There’s such a warmth in those hues. A warmth that would make this bitter autumn breeze more bearable. Yes, love is like color. But the thing is, without it life is just monochrome. That’s how his life felt now.

As he sat back against a park bench. It was autumn. The whole world around him was ripe with color. Just not his world. His life dull and void of color.

Mike and Nanaba were still busy reconnecting as was expected, and Hanji was swamped at university most days. Other friends were busy with their families during this time of year. Meanwhile, Erwin remained a single child in this life and his father was away on business with colleges.

They were all with people. And, for some reason beyond understanding, the one person Erwin wanted to be with most didn’t even know his fucking name.

So, he did the only thing he could: Continue forward.

At work he went through the motions. He still did his job well despite the fact his mind was as flooded as a dam. It must have shown because he received more than one concerned look from Nile. Erwin brushed off Niles questions hiding behind a polite smile and charming voice. Nile hadn’t seemed too convinced, but respected Erwin’s desire to keep things to himself for now.

Erwin didn’t like upsetting his friends, so he tried to find positives in his life. Things to keep him happy. But, everything was so…grey

His apartment looked ashen. Had is always been that way? The black furnishings had seemed so compatible against the clean white walls, but now? It was just empty and dull. Like a shadow had been cast over his life.

At this point it had to be the longest week of Erwin’s life.

Erwin sighed as he glanced around the park. The trees were already so much barer than a week ago. The ground was already coated in a thick layer of fallen leaves. A wind blew by. Erwin watched as leaves rush past his feet.

There was a buzz in his pocket. Erwin checked his phone.

 **H** : Wher r u?

 **E** : Is something wrong?

 **H** : Nothing. I was just tird of talkn 2 ur answering machine

 **E** : I’m just stretching my legs.

There was a pause before Hanji messaged back.

 **H** : Park?

 **E** : Yeah…

 **H** : Hes probably not com’n back there u kno

 **E** : It was worth a try at least.

 **H** : U should com to my place!

 **H** : Mikes been MIA 4 lik a month and im mak’n enchiladas!

Erwin let out a light laugh at his friend and smiled. The world seemed brighter, if only for a moment. With everything that had been going on he forgot, Hanji was probably feeling lonely too.

 **E** : I think I’ll take you up on that offer.

 **H** : :D

 **H** : They’ll b ready in 30 min.

 **E** : Alright, I’m going to walk around a bit more, but I’ll see you soon.

Erwin let out a heavy sigh accepting that Levi wouldn’t be passing through today. Just like he hadn’t every day this week. Slowly, he rose from his seat. His knees ached from sitting too long. Erwin looked around at the multiple winding paths around him. Without much of a thought he chose a path and followed it.

He wondered aimlessly, the city blurring by around him, until finding himself standing in front of a bar. Erwin blinked. He hadn’t been there before. It looked nice enough from the outside. Glancing at his watch he saw he had time. Besides, He could use a drink after the week he’s had. Erwin pushed the door open and stepped inside.

Almost immediately, his coat felt too hot. Apparently, it was a still the middle of summer in this bar. He opted to keep his coat on since he’d only be a minute, but the tie around his neck now felt like it was strangling him. With an uncomfortable huff, Erwin loosened his tie as he walked in. He ran a hand through his hair messy from the breeze and made his way to the bar stepping up behind a group of friends that were already being served. They paid him no mind and continued chatting as Erwin fished for his wallet.

“You know, I’m practically twenty-one anyway so-” A bubbly voice urged before being cut off.

There was a chime to the voice. Something about it grabbed Erwin’s attention. Somewhere inside his head there was this feeling that said he knew that voice.

“Oh, you’re so not.” A man said.

“I didn’t ask you shit.” The girl snapped. “I mean I’m way more mature than most twenty-one-year-olds.”

“It doesn’t matter how mature you are, dummy. You’re not getting a drink, and we already ordered you tea.” The man countered. “Besides, you’re not mature enough either.”

 “Am too!” Her voice shrunk to a childish pitch. “I’m mature aren’t I, Lee?”

A new voice spoke up “Hina...”

Erwin’s hand froze over his credit card. _Oh my God._

That voice. Erwin knew he knew that voice. Erwin’s eyes ventured from his wallet to the trio standing in front of him with their backs turned. Sure enough, a familiar, yet unfamiliar ponytail swayed in front of him. Erwin’s heart stopped.

The barman approached the group sliding them their drinks.

Levi offered his thanks as he grabbed his drink and turned around. He almost slammed face first into Erwin’s chest but managed to stop himself. Levi’s eyes snapped up with a fire that quickly doused by utter shock. His eyes went wide. In that moment, color returned to Erwin’s world and the only color that existed was a stormy grey-blue. The entire world went mute.

Levi’s glass fell and shattered against the bar floor. The sound was deafening in the silence. Erwin blinked. He stared at the mess slightly perplexed by it. In all their time together, Erwin doesn’t think he’s ever seen Levi drop something. It was just unlike him. He was careful and solid. Precise and always in control.

But not now.

Erwin looked back to Levi. Small fingers twitched at the now empty space looking for a glass that was already gone. Levi’s breath hitched.

“What. The. Fuck.” He breathed.

Erwin stared back at Levi completely dumbfounded. Of all the ways he had imagined seeing Levi again, this was not one he predicted. His mind reeled from being caught so off guard. But he had to say something this time. Anything.

“Hi.”  Erwin said. Well, it was a word.

“What are you doing here.” Levi said in disbelief staggering back. His back thunked against the edge of the bar.

On either side of him were the same people Erwin had seen walking with him at the park. Although now, they all wore more casual clothes. The girl still wore twin buns but with bright lace woven through them. They hung around her face like streamers.

The guy sported heavy stubble across his jaw and a beanie in his hair. He was a tad lanky but still looked like he had a bit of muscle on him. Though it was hard to tell with him wearing an oversize flannel jacket.

And Levi, He was wearing a fine-cut black coat along with what looked to be some type of blue necktie. But Erwin was more focused on his eyes. Smooth and a deep stormy set of eyes stared into his own wide with shock. Levi looked so startled to see him. It convinced Erwin to try something.

Hesitantly, Erwin asked. “Do you remember me?”

Levi squinted, surprised by the question. “Yeah, park-guy.”

“No-I” Erwin stammered out.

Erwin’s lips froze. He was what? What could he tell Levi that didn’t sound completely insane? But the silence was getting awkward again, and he had to say something.

“I’m Erwin Smith. We used to be friends.” Erwin tried. It was true. Whatever else they had been, they had been friends above all else.

Levi eyed him suspiciously. “I don’t think so.”

“Maybe if we talked…”

“I’m busy.” Levi said pushing off the bar and passed him. The glass crunched under his feet.

“Just one cup of coffee.” Erwin offered trying not to sound like he was begging.

Levi glanced over shoulder. “I don’t like coffee.”

Erwin mentally kicked himself. Why did he say coffee? Levi hated it. To his surprise, Levi didn’t keep walking.  He stopped to hear what Erwin had to say. Even if his back was still turned, Levi had stopped to hear him out.

“Then whatever you want.” Erwin tried, just trying to keep the conversation going. “What do you have to lose?”

With his back turned, he couldn’t see Levi’s expression. But there was a strange silence that lingered in the air. Somber perhaps.

“I gotta go.”

Levi started walking again. Panic rose in Erwin’s chest. He practically lunged forward placing a hand on Levi’s shoulder wanting to stop him from running again. Levi jerked around looking alarmed. His eyes bore into the arm holding him and his lips shifted into a confused frown.

“Let go.” Levi looked afraid of the hand touching him.

“Levi, if you would just-”

A hand slammed down on Erwin’s arm and held him with a painfully tight grip. It squeezed hard forcing him to release Levi’s shoulder. Glancing to his side, Erwin met the angry amber glare of Levi’s friend.

“He asked you to step away.” The man warned.

The girl with the twin buns moved in too. Despite the small girl’s size, she was quick to step in between Erwin and Levi. Her nose scrunched in a failed attempt to look intimidating.

Erwin’s stomach dropped, suddenly realizing where he was and the severity of what he was doing. Levi didn’t know him and had refused all of his advances. And Erwin went and grabbed him. This didn’t look good, what he was doing was not okay, and there was no sane way to defend himself.

“You’re right.” Erwin slowly raised his hands to show he didn’t mean harm. This seemed to relax the man if only slightly. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I’m very sorry. I shouldn’t have bothered you.”

The man slowly released Erwin’s arm but held a stern gaze.

How he was going to recover from this, he didn’t know. Levi and his friends were all watching him now with a cautious gaze making Erwin’s heart drop. He let a heavy dejected breath escape his nose. His shoulders dropped, and his gaze sank as he accepted his loss. Erwin waited to hear Levi and his friends leave.

“Maybe one cup.”

Levi’s friend’s mouths dropped. They twisted back staring at Levi with wide-eyes. Erwin’s eyes snapped up too, finding Levi still standing within arms reach and watching him with a now blank expression.

“WHAT!” The girl gasped.

Levi didn’t seem to react, but just kept watching Erwin with a neutral gaze. “One cup.”

Erwin was quick to nod. “Alright.” He agreed.

The guy stepped closer to Levi talking at a much lower tone. “Lee, are you sure you wanna go with this guy?”

“It’ll be fine.” Levi said. “I’ll meet you back here in a bit.”

The girl, Hina, looked between them and stepped in a little closer to the man who grabbed Erwin.

“Riley…” She urged trying to get him to stop Levi from agreeing.

Riley shook his head. His stern eyes attempting to mask his own concern. “He’s a grown man. He can make his own choices.” He sighed and addressed Levi. “Just don’t do something you’re gonna regret.”

“I never do.”

Levi and Riley shared a look before Levi made his way back to the counter. Then Levi turned his gaze back to Erwin.

“Meet me outside. I have to pay for this.” Levi said gesturing to the broken glass.

Erwin nodded again, still a bit dazed by Levi agreeing to some.

Erwin waited patiently outside. Once the initial shock faded, his nerves were shot. He wanted to pace. To move or… something. He settled with taking off his coat. Then putting it back on only to take it off once more. Erwin shed his heavy coat and draped it over his arm leaving it there for good this time.

The door squeaked open. Levi stepped through but came to a complete halt. His eyes scanned Erwin up and down.

“You’re…wearing a sweater vest.” He said.

“Oh.” Erwin instinctually followed Levi’s gaze. “Yes, I am.” He confirmed.  

Levi pressed his lips into a slight frown. “Okay then.”

There was something in Levi’s expression. Something familiar that tugged at Erwin’s heart that said Levi was trying not to smile. The smaller man’s eyes darted away and stared absently at the ground.

“So,” Levi began stepping up to Erwin’s right side. “Let’s get this over with.”

Erwin chuckled feeling more bliss than he had for a good while. “It won’t be that terrible.”

“Perhaps not.” Grey eyes glanced back up. “Where to then?”

“There’s a place not too far from here. It has good food but isn’t fancy. Nice and simple.”

Levi didn’t respond leaving Erwin to interpret his silence as acceptance.

They walked together along the sidewalk. A bit of an awkward silence hung between them. Levi didn’t seem bothered by it though. As they walked, Erwin could feel Levi’s eyes on him. He wasn’t staring, but Levi’s eyes kept glancing his way out of the corner of his eyes.

It was a short walk to the restaurant. A waitress was quick to greet them with a bright smile and lead them to their seats in the restaurant’s outside patio. They ordered drinks quickly and took their seats. It was a quiet area. Levi never liked crowds or to much noise. Even with the cool breeze, Erwin thought Levi would appreciate this more.

The waitress told them she’d return shortly and shuffled off leaving Levi and Erwin completely alone. Levi shifted awkwardly in his chair. Mike’s words echoed in the back of Erwin’s mind. _Are you sure it’s him?_ It nagged him. Regardless, he’d have his answer soon. Not that he wasn’t sure already.

The waitress returned balancing their order on a trey. Erwin stopped breathing as he waited in anticipation. Their waitress set down the drinks and excused herself from the table. Without hesitation, Levi reached forward. His fingers grazed the rim of his cup as he situated his hand then they tensed. He held the cup from the top. _Just like before_... Levi lifted the drink to his lips only to catch Erwin gaze. His lips waived.

“What?”

Erwin startled back. He doesn’t know what his expression had been, but ‘grim’ was usually the word Mike used whenever he stared. That and ‘intense leering’. Erwin was unsure which he should be hoping it had been.

“Sorry.” Erwin sighed reaching for his own cup of coffee.

They sat in silence like that. Quietly drinking their coffee and tea. Within a few minutes, Erwin had drank most of his coffee and still wasn’t sure what he should say. Erwin’s eyes found Levi’s again as he sipped his tea. His eyes, just like before when they were in the park, looked so smooth. Those dark circles from before were almost nonexistent.

“You seem very well rested.” Erwin said.

Levi’s eyes snapped up to him blinking at him in surprise.

“You don’t do this much, do you?” Levi asked doubtfully.

Erwin shrugged. “I suppose I don’t.”

With a sigh Levi leaned forward and claimed a roll from the basket in the middle of the table for his own. And they returned to an uneasy silence.

“This is a really shit date.” Levi said monotone as he bit into the roll.

Erwin smiled. “Well, I was caught a little off guard.”

“Yeah, the sweater vest told me as much.”

Erwin blinked. “This is my favorite shirt…”

“Tch” Levi turned away. A hint of a pout playing at lips. It was fighting a losing battle, although, a small smile did appear at the edges of his mouth.

A soft smile spread across Erwin face. “You haven’t changed at all”

Levi blinked. His smile faded under Erwin’s adoring gaze.

“You keep saying things like that…”

Erwin felt a twinge of guilt knowing he should be being more cautious about his wording around Levi. But it was hard. Levi was one of the few people he ever allowed himself to fully trust, and in this life, there weren’t any secrets he had to wall away.

“I’m sorry.”

“You said that.”

“I-” Erwin started before being cut off.

“Yeah, I know, ‘sorry’. That really doesn’t fix any of it. Neither does your creepy leering.” Levi muttered.

 _Damnit_. Well, at least now Erwin knew what face he’s been making. Erwin sighed. He didn’t need to make excuses with Levi.

“To be honest, I’m surprised you agreed to come.”

“Yeah, ... me too” Levi muttered. “My friends gave me an earful for agreeing.”

“Why did you agree to come then, Levi?”

Levi didn’t answer his question. Instead he lowered his cup. There was a soft tick as the glass met the table. Dark brows knitted together for a moment. There was something… melancholy about the way Levi was looking back at him.

“Why do you keep calling that?”

“It’s your name.”

Levi shook his head. “I never introduced myself.”

“You didn’t have to.” Erwin muttered. “I know who you are.”

For a brief moment, Levi’s eyes knitted together. Not in confusion, no, that look Erwin would have a better sense of familiarity with. The look that crossed Levi’s face was difficult to pin down. It was something Erwin had yet to see cross the smaller man’s face in this, or any other, life time.

Levi’s face went blank again. Any resemblance of emotion faded like steam into the air. As the moment ended Erwin realized what that expression had been.

Pity.

Levi had been looking at him with pity in his eyes. Erwin’s felt his throat clamp up. Why would Levi look at me like that? Levi had never pitied Erwin. If he had, he never showed it.

“I already told you. You got the wrong guy.” He said.

Levi reached his arm back. His hand griped the top of his chair as he pushes himself up.

“This was a bad idea.” Levi murmured not even looking at Erwin as he began to step away from the table. “I should get back to my friends.”

“Levi...”

“Stop calling me that.” Levi snapped. His eyes looked as though they flared red.

“Levi, don’t.” Erwin said getting up to stop him.

Levi glared at him as a warning not to stop him and no to follow. Erwin didn’t want a repeat of what happened at the bar and forced his hands to remain at his sides.

“I-”

“Don’t.” He said and then Levi stormed off. Leaving only an empty teacup behind.

The world turned monochrome again.

A cold hollowness washed over him. Erwin absentmindedly wondered if it was the weather or his heart making him feel this way. The only thing filling the emptiness Levi left was the sound of the man’s boots as they crunched against the fall leaves as Levi walked away.

Erwin’s phone buzzed again in his pocket. He couldn’t even feel himself moving as he pulled the phone out to see a message from Hanji.

 **H** : Hey, food’s getting cold…

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooo What's gonna happen next??? :) 
> 
> Yay! I got a new chapter up. I did not mean this to take so long to get up, but I had a lot of personal stuff and health stuff come up. So I'm sorry it took so long, and I'm glad it's out!
> 
> I ended up rewriting this chapter a bunch. The first draft Erwin was just too creepy. I get Erwin can just be creepy sometimes because he's a weird dork like that, but it needed serious editing. The reason being Erwin feels overly comfortable around Levi because he knows him. I also had to move a lot of elements around. This chapter originally had more to it but It was getting really long and clustered, so most of what was cut will be in Chapter 3. I hate that Erwin feels so alone. but it makes sense with Everyone having jobs and Mike and Nana reuniting that Erwin would kinda feel alone. especially after Levi shatters his heart.
> 
> I also wanted to make it more clear in this chapter that Levi's friends were not Farlan and Isabel by giving them both a little more of a description. I was pretty set on naming the guy Riley. Hina took a lot longer to name but I couldn't just keep calling her 'the girl' but I really like Hina (He-Nah) for her name. I didn't go to much into much detail but Hina is Asian and she's also very tiny and loud. They're not Falran and Isabel but definitely similar.
> 
> Let me know what you think! Comments and Kudos Appreciated!


	3. Nightmares and Lemons

Erwin was laying on his couch with his hand folded over his face. A leg loosely hung off the edge of the couch as he massaged his temples. Hanji sat across from him silently eating away at an entire casserole dish now halfway full of enchiladas.

The doorknob rattled for a moment, before it came open and Mike and Nanaba walked in making their way into the living room.

A familiar sense of Deja vu washed over him. It was just like it had been over a week ago.

Mike looked to Erwin expectantly. “It happened again?”

“Yep.”

“Damn.”

Erwin explained how he had run into Levi again by happenstance. Levi had been with the same people from before and still didn’t recognize him. They had gone out for a cup of tea, yet, the date had been strange. Levi seemed to want to spend time together despite not knowing him.

Hanji’s serious voice spoke. “He didn’t remember you? Not at all?”

Erwin shook his head. “No, but something seemed off.”

“Like what?” Nanaba asked.

“Like, he got upset so quick. It wasn’t going great to begin with, but he left in such a rush.”

 Hanji poised a finger on their chin as they listened. “That is interesting.” Something about the way Hanji had said it made it sound like there was more going on inside their head.

“Maybe there’s something there.” Mike said grabbing everyone’s attention. He crossed his arms and starred down at a vague spot on the floor.

“What do you mean?” Nanaba asked putting a gentle hand on Mike’s shoulder.

“Maybe he does remember something, but what if it’s like my nightmares.” Mike struggle to say the words.

Erwin understood. It was a difficult topic for him to talk about. Especially for a man like Mike. He had such a strong presence. For him to admit to something that that he saw as a weakness…well, it took strength.

“We don’t know what all happened from before.” He started. “We all saw a lot of bad shit, maybe there’s shit Levi really doesn’t want to remember.”

“Are you talking about repressed memories, Mike?” Hanji asked.

Mike nodded. “Something like that, I suppose. Maybe there are things that are just to traumatic for the mind to process.”

“If he needs help getting through something…” Erwin began.

“I don’t know if that’s it, man.” Mike said. “If it’s anything like my thing. I don’t know if we should be pushing it.”

Nanaba ran a comforting hand up and down Mike’s arm. Erwin felt himself take a shaky breath as he let Mike's words settle. It would make sense. To push something back from trauma. Perhaps Levi had felt a bit of familiarity towards him, but it was too hard to process. The thought made Erwin’s chest ache. He imagined Levi suffering alone, confused about the thoughts in his head or panicking like Mike. More than anything, he wanted to know Levi was okay.

Hanji’s glasses glared again in the light. “Maybe Mike’s right. Maybe we should leave it be.”

“What.” Erwin snapped. “We can’t just ignore him.”

“I agree.” Nanaba said lightly squeezing Mike’s arm. “He’s our friend. We need to make sure he’s okay.”

“And risk traumatizing him?” Hanji asked.

“We’re not-” Erwin was cut off.

“What? Trying to bring up horrific things he doesn’t remember? That sounds exactly like what you’re trying to do.”

Mike stayed silent.

“Look.” Nanaba started. “No one’s talking about anything definitive here.” She looked over to Erwin who nodded. “But we should at least try to get a better read on the situation, right?”

 Around the room everyone nodded in agreement.

“Good. So, we all agree then? We need more information, but above all we need to do what’s best for out friend.” Nanaba concluded.

There was a pause.

“So, what should we do now? We don’t have much more to go on than last time.” Hanji said.

“That’s not entirely true.” Erwin said.

“Erwin?” Mike asked.

“I know the names of his friends.”

Mike huffed out an amused breath. “Of course you do.” He put his hands on his knees and pushed himself off the couch. “You got your laptop?”

Erwin nodded gesturing to his computer that was sitting on the coffee table. He grabbed it and rose from his seat. He followed Mike over to the counter that acted as an open wall between the living room and kitchen. There, he set the laptop down.

“I still can’t believe he lived so close.” Mike said in awe. “All this time”

“Maybe this will tell us more.” Erwin said opening it up.

The counter provided much more room than the coffee table. He stepped up onto a bar stool, and Mike quickly scotched up next to him and began tapping away at the keys.

“I don’t know.” Mike glanced over at Nanaba. “Nana lived so close for years, and the computer didn’t help.”

“You guys tried looking me up?” Nanaba asked curiously.

“Of course, we did. I thought you’d be easy to find with your name, but I didn’t see you on anything.”

She looked at him with sorry eyes. “Sorry, I don’t really do much social media.” Nanaba defended. “Although, I do have an Instagram.”

Mike and Erwin looked between themselves. “What’s an Instagram?”

Her mouth fell open. Soft blue eyes starred at them in disbelief. She rose from her seat and stomped over to the two men pushing Mike out of his chair. With more grace than expected from a man his size, Mike spun catching himself and stood upright behind Nanaba as she slid into his seat.

“Uh…hey.” Mike muttered.

Nanaba nudged Erwin out of the way. “Alright, old men away from the computer.” She said getting to work.

“Jesus, it’s yours then.” Mike said running a hand back through his messy bangs.

Behind them Hanji patted the couch. “Come sit, old men.” She mumbled with a full mouth.

With two heavy sighs, they trudged back toward the couch, but Nanaba reached out an arm to stop them.

“Stay and help.” She instructed.

“You just elbowed me.” Erwin argued.

“Because you were in my bubble. Stay out of my bubble, but stay here.”

Erwin looked over at Mike who shrugged with an amused grin. Erwin and Mike pulled two barstools away from Nanaba and took a seat.

“What were their names?” She asked.

“Riley and Hina.”

“Riley is a pretty common name, but Hina…” Nanaba trailed off.

She clicked away and suddenly dozens of profiles were on the screen. Erwin’s eyes scanned over the pictures on the screen as Nanaba scrolled through. Almost immediately, he recognized a pair twin buns and bubbly expression as her image zipped past. His finger pointed at the screen. Nanaba jolted to a stop.

“Try that one.” He said.

Nanaba clicked her profile and enlarged the image.

**_Hinata Tanaka_ **

Mike leaned in. “Well, would you look at that.”

“That’s her.” Erwin nodded.

Nanaba smiled proudly. “Let’s see if we can’t find Levi in here. Maybe if she’s tagged him…”

She opened up a photo gallery that seemed endless and skimmed through.

“Oh!” She gasped. Nanaba didn’t have to search long before stopping on a picture.

The photo was taken at night. A bright flash illuminated a group of friends. All of which, Erwin recognized.

The bubbly girl was perched up in a shopping cart. Doe eyes beaming into the camera that she held out from her body, pointing it back at herself and her friends. Behind her pushing the cart, Levi was wearing his usually blank expression. But Erwin could see the smile at the edge of his eyes. The other man next to Levi had his mouth open wide in the middle of a hard laugh.

“Whoa” Mike muttered.

“Yeah.” Nanaba agreed a bit dazed.

It suddenly hit Erwin that this was the first time they had seen Levi.

“Well, Erwin was right. That’s Levi.” Mike said.

“He looks…happy.” Nanaba murmured.

The three of them sat quietly staring at the photo. Nanaba was right. Levi did look happy.

Hanji appeared behind them. “So, are the stalkers having fun?”

The trio jerked away from the screen.

“We aren’t-” Erwin began, but his words bled into a sigh.

Mike spoke next, running his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, I’ll admit, I feel a bit weird creeping through some kid’s account.”

“Oh, come on she’s not-” Nanaba skimmed over the girl’s profile. “Oh, 19. Wow.”

“Yeah, I’m out.” Mike said trotting back to the sofa.

Hanji stepped into Mike’s spot leaning in to see the picture of Levi. Their expression was nearly unreadable. But there was something sad in Hanji’s eyes. Something that Erwin didn’t understand.

Nanaba shrugged. “Anyway…let’s see. Levi’s actually in a lot of these but not tagged so I can keep looking but I don’t think he’s the social media type either. Looks like they go to this bar a lot though. We could try to find them there but these are a little old.” Nanaba finished with a satisfied nod.

Mike shook his head. “This world’s fucking terrifying.”

“So, this should help right?” Nanaba asked.

“It might.” Erwin said trying to figure out a way to use this new information.

“Hey, is it just me, or do Levi’s friends remind you of anyone?” Mike asked.

Erwin turned and nodded. “I was thinking the same.”

“What is it?” Nanaba asked with curious eyes.

“Some old friends of Levi’s” Erwin explained.

The physical similarities were hard to ignore, but their personalities were strangely similar as well. The small girl with her hair tied up in a binary style. She was loud and bubbly. Then the guy, a little taller and watching Levi’s back. It made him wonder if Levi had really done that subconsciously.

Hanji nodded. “They do seem quite similar.”

“You remember them?” Erwin asked.

“I didn’t know them long, but yes.” Hanji said somberly but then they pushed their glasses up and the tone changed. “Think he’s got another tall blond in his life?”

It was a joke. But it didn’t settle well in the pit of Erwin’s stomach.

“No way. There’s no one as creepy as Erwin.” Mike said.

“Thanks, Mike.” Erwin said flatly.

With that the groups burst into fits of laughter and their night drew on. Since they were all together they ended up talking about nothing until they had to go their own ways. Hanji left first. They had an early shift at the Bio Lab in the morning. Nanaba moved to leave next.

“Well, Mike and I haven’t eaten dinner yet, so we should probably head out.”

“You go on ahead, I’m gonna stay here with Erwin for a bit.” Mike said.

Nanaba stepped up to Mike getting on her tiptoes to kiss his nose. “Don’t keep me waiting to long.” and waved goodbye.

Mike smiled after her. He stood there for a moment even after the door closed behind her, just smiling.

“You can go if you want.” Erwin said.

“I’ll catch up, thought I’d stay here a bit. I know how sad you are without me.”

“I’m not that bad.” Erwin laughed.

“No, you aren’t.”

Mike plopped himself down in a seat across from Erwin setting the laptop down in front of him. They sat together in silence just keeping each other company. They didn’t need words. For a while, the tapping of keys was the only noise that filled the apartment.

“Hey.” Mike said seriously, getting Erwin’s attention.

“Hmm?” Erwin sat up on the couch.

“I’ve been doing some digging.” Mike grabbed the top of his laptop and turned it toward Erwin.

Leaning in, He saw it was on a social media site. It was a page for a bar by the looks of it. A local one. The cover page was a photograph of a dozen or so employees all wearing matching outfits hanging out around the bar.  It looked like a regular picture.

“I’m supposed to be seeing something?” Erwin asked scanning the image.

“Look at the end of the counter. Imagine the guy without the hat.”

Erwin’s eyes trailed down the bar. It took a moment, but the second he spotted them he couldn’t see anything else.

There was a girl with a beaming smile. Her rose colored hair tied into pigtails. She was leaning into someone else also hauntingly familiar. The man had his arm wrapped around the girl’s shoulder as he gave the camera a relaxed smile. Honey-blond hair poked out from his trilby hat.

“Farlan and Isabel.” Erwin muttered looking back to Mike.

Mike nodded. “Yeah.”

His mind raced for what this could mean. Levi’s friends were in this life as well. Did they remember?

It was hard to explain. Maybe it could only be described as a gut-feeling, but running into Levi and then finding his old friends? That had to be more than a coincidence.

“They’re here.” Mike explained as Erwin stared at the image. Mike reached out a hand tapping at a sign above the bar. “It’s an Irish pub on the west side of the city.”

It wasn’t much to go on. In fact, it might not even get him anywhere at all. But after everything that’s happened, it was the only real lead he had. Erwin’s eyes scanned the information on the site.

The bar was open tomorrow.

* * *

Wind beat wildly against his face. All around him hoof beats thundered in his ears. His men where behind him as they charged into a swarm of titans against a dying peach colored sky. There had already been so much death. The smell of blood tainted the air and the distant sounds of screaming never ended.

It was chaos. No, it was hell.

That’s when a mouth came out of nowhere. There was a roaring noise as the teeth snapped down on his right side, yanking him from his horse. He’d left himself open. Forgetting that someone who had always been there wasn’t riding at his side to protect him. With bones breaking, skin tearing, flesh screaming, He was in the jaws of a titan. But still he looked ahead. There where titans everywhere. His men looked up at him from the ground with horror in their eyes. Stabbing pain shot through his body with every twist and turn caused by the titan as he dangled above them all. It was excruciating. But he kept his eyes ahead of him, on his goal.

He didn’t want to die. He wasn’t done yet, but they had to keep moving forward. Erwin raised the blade in his left hand. And bellowed out one final order to his men.

“ADVANCE!”

Erwin bolted upright chocking for air and clutching his arm in a vice-like grip. His heartbeat pounded his ears. With a heavy blink, Erwin looked around the room. He was in his bed. He was in his apartment.

The realization helped calm him but the pain in his arm didn’t leave. He could still feel the teeth baring down on him right above the elbow.

_Is that how I died?_

The pain jolted through him making him gasp.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

Now wasn’t the time to be wondering about it.

 _Deep breaths. In and out._ Erwin thought. He’d coached Mike through this before. The pain isn’t real it’s in his mind. He had to focus on calming his body. As the minutes passed his heart slowed and the pain receded.

He was still gasping for breath when he heard a loud pounding echo through his house. He glanced over at the clock.

2:17 A.M.

Erwin staggered out of bed still cradling his right arm. He grabbed a shirt and threw it on as he jogged toward the erratic knocking.

He swung open his front door to see Nanaba. Her eyes huge. She grabbed the front of Erwin’s shirt clutching at him desperately

“It’s Mike! I don’t -I don’t know what’s wrong!” Fearful blue eyes bore into Erwin pleading for answers.

Erwin took a breath and placed his firm hands on Nanaba’s shoulders. “Nanaba, It’s alright- “

“No, it’s not- It’s not all right. Mike is…He’s.” She said shaking.

He squeezed her shoulders. There was still a sharp pain lingering in his arm but he had to be strong for them. Mike was having some kind of attack. Erwin spoke again as calm as before. “Nanaba, Listen to me. It’s all right. You haven’t lost him. I need you to take a deep breath.”

She sucked in a shaky breath and held it. When she exhaled her shoulders visibly relaxed if only slightly.

“Now take me to him.”

Erwin and Nanaba jogged down the hallways of their apartment complex and down several flights of stairs. Mike and Nanaba’s apartment door was still open They ran past it and burst into the bedroom.

Mike was on the floor pushed up a wall and curled into a ball. He was hyperventilating. The room was dark, but Erwin could see the tears pouring down his face.

Carefully, Erwin approached Mike.

Erwin reached out a hand. His fingers barely touched Mike’s shoulders before Mike was lurching away. Erwin braced, but Mike didn’t swing at him. He just punched himself further away and buried himself deeper into his own arms while screaming out.

“PLEASE NO! NO NO NO. DON’T! PLEASE DON’T!” He cried.

Erwin retracted his hand and scooted back giving Mike more space.

“Mi-”

“NO!” Mike screamed.

It was painful to listen to. It was like Mike was begging

Mike wasn’t listening, but he couldn’t stop trying. “Mike, it’s me.”

“STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!!”

“No one’s hurting you Mike. You’re safe here.” Erwin kept reassuring him over the man’s screams.

Mike shook his head and chocked out his words. “No. We’re not. It’s coming.”

Erwin left out a heavy breath. Mike was stuck in something bad. But he wasn’t screaming so Erwin kept talking.

“I’m here. Me and Nanaba both are.”

“I don’t know what’s going on!” Mike sobbed.

“I know, but it’s okay. It’s all going to be okay.”

“No, it’s not. Everyone’s gonna die. I’m-” He choked. “The walls…The walls.”

Erwin blinked. Was he remembering when Wall Maria fell? That didn’t seem right. It was a massive tragedy, but it didn’t break Mike like this.

“Mike, listen to me I’m your friend, you’ve always trusted me, and I need you to trust me now.” Erwin instructed. “you are all right. This is in your head. Whatever you saw it’s not happening now.

Mike’s breathing was erratic he huffed and chocked back panicked sob. He stopped yelling though and that was a step in the right direction.

“Mike, deep breaths. In and hold.” Erwin instructed. Relief washed over him as Mike took a deep breath in. He was listening. “Now, Out and hold.”

They continued like that and slowly Mike’s tears stopped, and his breath began to even out even though it was still labored.

“It’s all right. Whatever it was it’s gone now.” Erwin comforted.

“No.” Mike breathed. His hands clawed at his hair. “It’s still here.”

Erwin blinked in surprise. “Mike…” He began. “Are you saying you remember something?”

Mike didn’t even look at him, but Erwin could see the horror in his eyes. His head sank to his knees and arms wrapped around his legs pulling them in tighter.

There was a pause Erwin was unsure what to do with. Both of them had holes in their memories, but every time Mike had a particularly bad attack he would awaken with little to no memory of the trauma that plagued the recesses of his mind.

The only reason he should be remembering things now was from a change in his life. Something had to trigger it. Was it time or a person? One had affected him enough for these memories to come back, and not much time had passed. Which meant it had to be a person and they’ve only met two.

Nanaba or Levi?

Glancing over Erwin saw that Nanaba was still standing close by. Her fingered clenched at her sides as she watched them with guilt in her eyes. Yes, the poor woman had been thinking the same.

Erwin wrapped an arm around Mikes shoulders and tugged them both together into a hug. It was something he would never do in the midst of a bad panic attack like this, but Mikes breathing has calmed, and the tears stopped flowing, and right now he knew his friend needed a hug.

Light footsteps pattered against the ground. Nanaba appeared at Mike's side. She slides down the wall and cuddled into him.

There the three sat like that for a long while. Mike’s breathing went from shallow and unsteady and became slow and calm. Just as Erwin began to drift a loud growl in his stomach demanded he wake. He jerked back snapping out of his half-sleep. Looking to his right he saw that Mike had fallen asleep against the wall. Passed Mike, Nanaba was looking at him with a tired smile.

“Come on.” Nanaba whispered. “Let’s get some breakfast.

They both slowly got up and placed a warm quilt over Mike. Nanaba put a finger over her lips and they tip-toes out of the room gently shutting the bedroom door behind them. Erwin followed Nanaba into the kitchen. She quickly pulled out the coffee maker and got it ready.

“Can I help?” Erwin offered.

“I’ve got it, but thanks.” She said, but there was pain in her voice.

He let out a puff of air and rubbed at his tired eyes that were screaming for sleep. He glanced over at the stove seeing the time illuminated in green. It was a quarter till five in the morning. That coffee couldn’t come soon enough.

“Nanaba.” Erwin said.

She looked up from the coffee maker “Yes?”

“This is not your fault.”

Her expression fell again. With lips pursed together turned back to the coffee.

“You can’t blame yourself for what happened in there. It was out of your control.”

“Maybe we moved in too fast.” She muttered brokenly. “Maybe it was too much too soon. Erwin, if I pushed him to hard…”

“It would have happened regardless. He was bound to remember something eventually whether you were here or not.” He said firmly. “Actually, I think it’s best that it happened like this.”

Nanaba twisted toward him. “What?”

Erwin smiled. “Dealing with these things can be trying for anyone, but he has you to help him through it. I don’t know what I’d do if it was just me here.”

Nanaba’s eyes softened. Her gaze lowered and she pulled the coffee out of the maker. Quietly, she poured them both a cup. As she handed Erwin his, she said, “I just want to know that I’m not making things worse for him.”

“You’re not.”

She nodded. “Okay.” Her eyes, despite being exhausted, looked a little more relaxed than before, and she sipped at her drink. “Thank you for coming Erwin. I don’t know what we would’ve done.”

“Anytime. He doesn’t get like this often but it’s important to just be there for him.” Erwin said.

He looked into his drink. Letting the swirl take him far away. He thought of the horses thundering and the Titan. He thought how the Titan bit into him and the agony that racked through his entire body. That’s what everyone who died under his command had felt.

But a question lingered in his mind. They hadn’t been there. Hanji, Nanaba, Mike, and Levi weren’t there. He let his guard down expecting someone to be at his side. But they weren’t. He could only presume the worst.

“Erwin?” Nanaba asked cautiously, grabbing Erwin’s attention. “Are you alright?”

He racked a hand through his hair smoothing it back. “It’s just been a long night.”

She seemed to accept his answer and gave him a light nod in agreement. He’d sort out his own demons later. They didn’t need to be bothered with this.

Sunlight was already beginning to peer through the blinds when Nanaba finished. They sat in the living room sipping at their coffee and eating toast and jelly and eggs until they both fell back asleep. Erwin didn’t end up leaving the apartment until noon.

When he finally did get back to his own apartment, he took a long hot shower leaving him feeling very refreshed and ready for the rest of his, already half-over, day. He got dressed and checked the address on the laptop one more time before heading out. After copying it onto his phone, he was confident. Erwin pulled on a suit jacket and made his way to the bar.

Erwin’s shoes tapped rhythmically along the sidewalk. This is it. Worse case scenario, they would remember nothing, which probably wasn’t really a bad thing everything considered. He wasn’t sure what best case scenarios would even be in this situation. As he made his way across town his phone buzzed in his pocket. It was Mike.

 **M** : Hey

 **E** : Hey, Mike.

 **M** : You going to that bar?

 **E** : Yes, I’m on my way now actually.

 **E** : I don’t want to ask this through text, but are you doing better?

 **M** : Yeah, it’s all blurry again but it’s clearer than before.

Well, maybe that was for the best. Erwin remembered how Mike had screamed. Whatever he was dreaming about was bad news. Mike’s words from the night before echoed in his mind. About the mind repressing trauma to protect you. Levi could be the same.

 **M** : Hey, thanks again for last night.

 **E** : You would have done the same for me.

 **M** : That doesn’t make it mean any less. I appreciate it and Nan does too. You didn’t have to stay all night

 **E** : You’re welcome, I wasn’t about to leave you like that. Plus, if I didn’t stay I wouldn’t have been able to eat your chips for lunch.

 **M** : Are you fucking kidding me.

 **E** : I’m not even sorry.

 **M** : You’re an ass

Erwin let out a laugh.

 **M** : Hey, do you want me to come down there with you?

 **E** : No, I’m fine. I don’t want to overwhelm them.

 **M** : Are you almost there.

 **E** : I think?

 **M** : Are you lost?

 **E** : No…

 **M** : Jesus Christ

 **E** : I’m just kidding. I’m almost there.

 **M** : Alright, good luck

 **M** : Let me know if you need any backup

 **E** : Will do.

Erwin slid the phone back into his pocket. He rounded another corner knowing the bar he was looking for would be on the next strip of stores. He slowed his pace and read the signs as he walked passed. Then there it was.

His feet dragged to a halt. It was the bar he’d seen in the photo. The windows were tinted dark making it impossible to see inside. If he was lucky, the people and the answers he was looking for would be just a few steps ahead of him. Erwin let out a heavy sigh. Unfortunately, luck wasn’t always on his side.

Erwin took a deep breath and walked into the bar.

There was a chime of a bell as he opened the door. The heels of his shoes clicked loudly against the slate tile. Just ahead of him he saw the unmistakable crimson pigtails of a waitress as she cleaned off a table. This was definitely the right place. Erwin’s heart beat pounded in anticipation as the girl slowly turned toward the sound of a customer entering.

“Hey, Welcome to-…” She froze.

For a moment, they just watched each other in silence. Erwin had already made the mistake of assuming with Levi. It was a mistake he didn’t want to repeat. However, With the way Isabel Magnolia was looking at him now there was no mistaking it.

Across from them at the bar, a man had turned to see what had cause the waitress to go quiet. Erwin glance over at the man seeing his movements still just as Isabel’s had. Unlike in the picture, Farlan wasn’t wearing a hat. His honey blond hair spiked up at the edges just like it had before.

There was no question about it. They were Farlan and Isabel, and they knew exactly who he was.

“What the Hell?” Farlan murmured.

Erwin took a breath. Mentally, he started preparing himself for what to say, but he didn’t have long.

Isabel’s green eyes that were wide with surprise quickly morphed into fury. She charged forward blinding grabbing the closest thing within reach as her weapon. Luckily for Erwin, it was just a mug. She bellowed out a murderous battle cry.

Erwin was already shifting into a defensive position gearing to evade her attack when Farlan appeared in between them. A swift kick knocked the girl off her feet. But she persisted. She tried crawling forward, angry eyes still locked on Erwin, but Farlan was quick to dive down. Farlan maneuvered around her reaching his arms under her own. His fingers clasped tightly together in front of her chest effectively restraining her.

“Le’me go!” She whined.

But he only tightened his grip. “Izzy! Calm. Down.”

“No!” Still, she thrashed in Farlan’s arms. Emerald eyes went dark and were boring into Erwin with pure hate. She managed to get a foothold on the floor. Her heel repositioned itself against the carpet and launched her forward.

Farlan drove his clasped fist into her stomach earning a pained ‘umph’. “Drop it, Izzy.”

Isabel squirmed for a minute before her body sagged in Farlan’s arms. After a moment, the mug clanked against the floor.

“Remember where we are!”

Isabel blinked, seemingly just remembering that they were in fact in a bar and there were in fact patrons all around them watching this little display. 

The girl’s lips pursed together, and she glance over her shoulder the best she could giving Farlan a slight nod. He gave her a few moments to breathe to calm her down. Slowly, the man released her from his grip.

Erwin straightened up and readjusted his cuffs as the duo rose to their feet. Farlan held Isabel’s elbow as he helped her stand, but she quickly shrugged him off. She crossed her arms and straightened her back. The anger slowly returned to her eyes. Farlan sighed returning his attention back to Erwin.

Teal eyes narrowed. “You don’t seem as surprised to see us as we are to see you.”

“What do you want?” Isabel snapped.

Erwin raised his hands slightly to show peaceful intent. “I just came to talk with you.”

“Well, we don’t wanna talk!”

“It’s about Levi.”

Both of their eyes widened.

They looked between themselves for a moment and when Farlan looked back at Erwin, Isabel was pouting even harder. He nodded over toward a couple of tables by the window and started walking. Erwin took the hint and followed them over.

Erwin slide into a chair. The others sat down next to each other on the opposite side of the table as far away from Erwin as they could. Neither bothered to fully scoot in their chairs. Once situated, they stared Erwin down, but Erwin refused to let them make him feel uncomfortable.

Well, he found them and got them here sitting down. Even if it had stated out less then cordial, at least they were willing to talk. Considering their last memories, they had of him, he’d take this small victory. But, he was going to have to win them over fast.

Something itched at the back of Erwin’s mind though. Isabel was hostile almost immediately towards him which brought up the question: How much did they remember? If they remembered him, then that would suggest they remembered most of their lives.

“Have you two ran into Levi before?” Erwin asked to get the ball rolling.

“What’s it to you?” Isabel asked. Her expression made it clear she was still not at all convinced she shouldn’t be beating him with a mug.

“I just want to make sure he’s all right.”

“An why’s that?” Farlan asked.

Erwin took a second to think of his reply not wanting to give too much away, but he didn’t want to outright lie to them either. The least they deserved was some of the truth.

“We worked together for a long time…before. We were close.”

“LIAR.” Isabel shouted. “Big Bro hated you! He would never join up with you!”

“Isabel.” Farlan hushed.

“He’s lying! He likes to play people!” She argued.

Farlan turned towards Isabel. “There’s a customer still waiting for his drink. Go take care of him.”

Isabel narrowed her eyes. “I know you’re just trying to get rid of me.”

“Then go.”

“I’m part of this too, Farlan!” She cried.

“Fine, you can be part of it once that customer has his order.”

Isabel growled and stomped off. Red pigtails bobbed as she stormed back to the bar. Farlan shifted in his seat, turning to face Erwin fully. They were silent for a moment before Farlan spoke.

“So, he survived?” Farlan asked.

“I’m sorry?”

“The expedition.” Farlan clarified. He leaned back in his chair shaking his head. “He told us not to go. Said we couldn’t handle it, and damn were we so eager to prove him wrong.” Farlan’s gaze dropped. His hand clenched hard as a frustrated expression claimed his face. “But he was right.”

Erwin’s eyes widened at that. Farlan remembered their last expedition. Farlan knew that he didn’t make it back. It was already more than Erwin recalled about his own death. Although, the man was younger than him and had lived less. Maybe that’s why the memories came quicker.

“Yes. He made it back.” Erwin explained. “He decided to stay in the Scouting Legion and fight back against the Titans.”

Farlan listened intently and gave Erwin a quiet nod as he took in the information.

“So, you remember everything then?” Erwin asked a little relived. They had their memories.

“Dying? …Yeah” Farlan said with ease. His eyes became more serious when he saw Erwin’s expression. “You don’t?”

Erwin shook his head slightly. “How long have you remembered?”

“For a while now, but It took time for all of it to come back for us. You?”

“I’ve had a similar experience, but it’s still a bit of a blur. Then again, I lived longer.”

“That’s probably it, then.” Farlan murmured. “You lived longer, so more memories. You said you worked together?”

“That’s right.”

Farlan was still watching him like He was trying to get a read on him. “How’d that happen?”

“After you died, he need a reason to keep going.” Erwin explained solemnly. “I told him he could stay in the Corps and make all those deaths mean something. He agreed.”

Farlan huffed. “Sounds like him.”

“Yes, but he isn’t acting like himself now. Well, maybe a little.” Erwin added remembering Levi’s flat remarks and the familiar way he had held his tea. “Do you know why he’d be acting this way?”

“If I did, why would I tell you?”

Erwin expression waivered for an instant.

Farlan crossed his arms. “There’s a difference between trying to make sense out of all this and telling you personal information about someone I care about.” Farlan explained. “Levi’s my brother.”

Erwin looked into his hands. What could he say? What would convince Levi’s oldest friends of his intentions? 

“His favorite color is blue.” Erwin answered calmly. This seemed to take Farlan aback. The man visibly stiffened in his seat. His teal eyes widened slightly as Erwin pushed on. “He drinks his tea black, and sleeps sitting up if at all. He cuts his own hair and loves lemon.”

Farlan stared wide-eyed at Erwin. His lips moving trying to find words.

There was more Erwin could say. But, much of it would imply too much. Even if Levi didn’t remember him, he knew Levi would hate him for sharing too much.

“He…” Farlan stammered out. “His favorite color’s blue?”

Erwin paused. “You didn’t know that?”

“I-” Farlan breathed. “How do you know that?”

“I asked.” Erwin answered simply.

“But why?”

Erwin was perplexed by Farlan’s questioning.

“I suppose, I was interested in knowing more about him.”

Farlan shook his head in disbelief. “Everything, always smelled lemony after he cleaned.”

Erwin smiled. This seemed to take Farlan even more off guard.

“Yes, it’s his favorite scent.”

He remembers when he had first taken Levi shopping with him around the capital. They had been there on official business. Suites needed adjusting and paperwork needed addressing along with a handful of other menial tasks. Levi tried to remain unimpressed, but his eyes kept wondering around the city. They must have lapped the market a dozen times that day and each time Levi’s grey eyes kept turning back to a little bakery.

By the end of the day, Erwin turned back to the market instead of to their carriage. Levi followed without question. When Erwin made a beeline for the little bakery, Levi spoke up.

“What are we doing?”

“I’m hungry as I’m sure you are.” Erwin justified. Levi would never admit to wanting to go in, so he would have to give him a reason.

“Then we should get actual food instead of wasting money on that junk.” He said with annoyance.

“Think of it as a holdover until we get back to headquarters.”

“Tsk.” Levi crossed his arms as they walked in.

Erwin didn’t miss Levi’s expression as they walked in. His eyes visibly brightened.

There was a man standing at the counter wiping his hands that were covered in a light layer of flour. “Can I help you two gentlemen?”

Levi crossed his arms tighter ignoring the man.

Erwin stepped up to the counter with a smile. “Good evening. I’m not sure exactly what I want. I don’t indulge in sweets often.” There was an audible scoff behind him that Erwin elected to ignore. “What do you have?”

The shopkeeper went through the treats on display. Now Levi would know what they had. Something was bound to pique his interest. After picking out two dozen cookies for himself, Erwin turned back to Levi.

“What would you like?”

“I didn’t bring any money.” Levi said.

“I’m buying.” Erwin said. Levi looked at him a bit confused. “I’m not going to just get all this for me and not get you something.”

Levi eyed the counter hesitantly. “The lemon cake.”

Levi probably never got to eat any treats growing up. The thought made Erwin's chest ache. He wanted to let Levi experience something nice for a change.

Once back in the carriage, Levi ate away at his cake with such care it made Erwin smile. He treated it like it was some precious gift.

“I didn’t know you were such a sweet tooth.” Erwin joked.

“Shut up.”

Erwin laughed to himself and continued munching away at his box of cookies. He didn’t even notice Levi moving closer until they were inches apart.

“Thank you.” Levi said softly. He grabbed Erwin’s chin and pulled him into a tender kiss. For the first time, Erwin got to taste lemon on Levi’s tongue.

Erwin sighed happily at the memory feeling bittersweet to not be back there anymore. He looked around the bar seeing Isabel pouring drinks to some customers. She saw him looking and glared back in response.

“Isabel doesn’t seem to trust me.” Erwin noted.

Farlan nodded. “Why would she? We were hired to kill you.”

“I feel as if that should be more of a reason for me not to trust you two.”

“But you’re here anyway.” Farlan stated.

“So, I am.” Erwin said. He gestured over to Isabel. “She doesn’t trust me. Why do you? You were the one willing to give me a chance when I walked in here.”

Farlan shook his head. “Frankly, I don’t. But I do believe you.” His expression became a bit more solemn. “I also wanted to talk. When you said you were here about Levi…”. There was a pause, before determined teal eyes fixed on Erwin. A finger pointed out at Erwin. “You remember.” Farlan gestured back to himself. “We remember. Why doesn’t he?”

Erwin let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t know. I’ve been trying to make sense of it since I met him.”

He explained how he had encountered Levi nearly a week ago in the park. He claimed no memory of knowing who Erwin was and ran off before Erwin could get much out of him.

Farlan grimaced recalling his own experience.

“Worse?” Erwin asked.

“Much. I was with Isabel. We were walking around shopping downtown. And we just ran into him walking out of a store.” Farlan combed back his hair. “Levi looked… terrified.”

That got Erwin’s attention. Levi had been scared?

“I mean Levi’s like my brother. He’s hard to read sometimes, sure, but that day… I had no idea what was going through his head.” Farlan admitted. “Isabel tried hugging him, but he just backed away. We tried talking to him. Maybe blunter than we should have considering where we were, but nothing. He looked at us like we were insane and kept sidelining us. Then, Izzy was screaming at him. She demanded he stop joking around. That’s when people started staring.”

Erwin recalled the people in the bar when he had walked in. Or even Levi’s new friends when they ran into each other again. It was easy to come off as delusional when you remember someone and they clearly don’t know you. It wasn’t Levi’s fault if he didn’t remember, but the realization didn’t make the ache of rejection any easier.

“We tried following him, but the guy can move when he wants to get away.”

Erwin nodded, remembering how easily Levi evaded him at the park.

“We’ve seen him a few times around town, but we’ve kept our distance. I mean he said he didn’t remember anything and looked pretty freaked by us.” Farlan trailed off. His tone suggesting there was more.

“But?” Erwin pried

Farlan shook his head and let out the beginnings of a breathy ‘I don’t know’ before answering.

“Something about his eyes. I just can’t get passed how he looked at us when we bumped into him. I don’t get why he would look at us like that if he didn’t remember…something.”

Erwin sucked in a breath. Concern settled in the pit of his stomach as he realized Farlan was right. Levi must have recalled something to warrant such a response. These feelings of fear he described, they could only mean that Mike was on to something. Levi was suffering living with broken fragments of the past. 

“Izzy took it pretty hard.” Farlan looked back at the bar where the redheaded girl was enthusiastically mixing drinks. “She barely said a word for days. Which is a big deal… for her” He ruffled a hand through his hair and frowned. “It wasn’t easy for either of us.”

“I understand.” Erwin said somberly.

There was a scoff. “You understand?”

Sure, it must have been hard to believe coming from him and with what limited memories Farlan and Isabel had of Erwin and his interactions with Levi. If they had lived, things would have been much different. For starters, Erwin probably wouldn’t have lived as long. But ‘what if’s’ aren’t productive thoughts to get lost in. No one truly knows what would have happened.

Erwin folded his hands together on the table. He smiled softly to himself and felt his eyes relax. There was a confused hitch of breath from Farlan. What-ifs were pointless, but he did wish they had seen some of the change between him and Levi. This conversation would have started easier if they had.

Levi had looked at him with such hate and distain when they first met. Could Farlan and Isabel ever have imagined that same gaze would turn into an affectionate one? That the same hand that had cut him with a blade would be the hand gently tending that same wound. Or that the lips that had threatened him would touch him with such adoration.

Who would have predicted that the man plotting to kill him would become his most trusted ally and most devoted friend? If you had only seen the beginning, no one would believe it.

“He means a lot to me.” Erwin admitted softly.

Erwin looked back at Farlan who had completely deflated into his seat. His expression no longer had walls. No, he was looking at Erwin with the most dumbfounded expression Erwin’s ever seen.

“Wait,” He began. “You…and Levi…”

Erwin smirked. And so, the penny dropped.

A cup slammed down on their table, cutting off Farlan. Isabel was back and was holding a tray with one hand and lowering the rest of the drinks and some fries with the other.

“I brought something for everybody. Even if everybody includes you.” She sneered in Erwin’s direction.

Erwin, however, just gave her an appreciative smile. “Thank you.”

She slid a drink to Farlan, but he wasn’t moving.

“Farlan?” Isabel cocked her head to the side. “Farlan?” She asked again.

Nothing.

“Hey! What’d you do?” Isabel accused looking back at Erwin.

Erwin shrugged and with a bit of playful innocence said, “We were just talking.”

“Uh-Huh” She said giving Erwin a skeptical look. Isabel raised a hand in front of Farlan’s face and managed a powerful _snap_!

Nothing.

“Farlan?” She asked again. This time quieter and with a little more concern.

Without a word, Farlan slowly rose from his seat. His chair screeched loudly against the floor.

“I uh… I need a drink.” Farlan said staggering back to the bar.

“Dumbass, I brought you a drink!” Isabel called.

Farlan didn’t bother turning around and gave her a sloppy wave. With that, Erwin managed an amused laugh and pulled his drink closer lifting it to his lips.

* * *

Levi let out a heavy sigh. He was leaning up against a marble countertop. In his hand, he absentmindedly stirred a cup of tea. He watched the spirals swirl letting his mind drift along with them.

“Lee!”

Levi jumped back. Hina stood beside him in her black apron and a teapot in her hand. Her brown eyes watched him with mild concern.

“Oh,” Levi muttered. He glanced at his phone a realized he had been standing here for forty-five minutes. “It’s time to rotate again.”

Levi was on his break. A break that lasted thirty minutes longer than it should have.

“Sorry, I got distracted.” He said sincerely.

Hina looked down at the counter. “You didn’t even drink your tea…”

“It’s fine.” Levi muttered gathering his things.

Hina wasn’t convinced. “Are you okay?” She asked in that sweet childlike voice of hers.

Levi schooled his face into a neutral expression and pushed himself off the counter and dusted off his own apron. It was spotless as usual but that didn’t stop him.

“Fine.” He answered.

The tips of her brows knitted together. “Is this about yesterday?”

“No.”

The teapot slammed onto the counter with a bit too much force and Hina began rolling up her sleeves as if gearing up for a fight. “If that guy did something you didn’t like-” 

Levi’s bangs fell further in front of his face as he swung his bookbag over his shoulder. “Nothing happened.”

She blinked. “But you’ve been so puppy-faced all day.”

“No, I haven’t. I’ve got a lot on my mind right now.” Levi said tapping at his bookbag. “It wasn’t that guy’s fault.”

Riley appeared in the doorway carrying a few boxes of merchandise. “You know, I know you gotta weakness for the blonds.” He joked. “but for the love of God don’t run off like that again.”

Hina nodded. “Yeah, we were so worried about you.”

She reached out a hand intending to comfort him, but Levi shrugged her off.

“I appreciate the concern, but it wasn’t a big deal.” Levi said.

“Running off with a stranger who creeped on you at the park and harassed you in a bar isn’t a big deal?” Riley argued.

“Yeah, he could’ve been a rapist or a killer or something!”

“Tsk. You both watch to many crime dramas.” Levi deflected. “I gotta put this up. Meet you up front, Riley?”

Riley nodded. “Yeah, just give me a minute.”

Hina was still watching him with concerned eyes as he pushed past the two of them and disappeared through the doorway.

Levi walked to the back, sipping at his tea which had long gone cold, and put his stuff back in locker. He mentally kicked himself while doing it. He had told himself he’d study some on his break. It looks like he missed his chance.

The locker closed with a loud clank. The noise rang hollow through the empty breakroom. Levi just stood there in front of his locker with his hand lingering on the handle. He let out a heavy sigh allowing his shoulders to fall for just a moment. His head dropped forward and slammed against the polished metal door of his locker.

He thought of the park and autumn leaves and the way Erwin had called out to him. He thought of the look of devastation in the blond’s eyes as he fled and the hope when Levi agreed to a cup of tea. It had been a bad decision, an impulse that he should have ignored. But the ache in his chest demanded otherwise. Levi deluded himself into going, and it didn’t end well. The outing had only caused Erwin more pain and it was all his fault. Now, the feeling of Erwin’s arm on his was replace by an emptiness that wouldn’t go away. He felt cold.

“It’s for the best.” He breathed as he mentally prepared to head back to work.

For the rest of the day, sad ocean blue eyes lingered in his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god this chapter was long. I'll need to do some editing, but i'm posting it now.
> 
> Erwin's starting to remember more and it's gonna be hard to deal with. The character up until this point didn't remember much past the 57th expedition. And a lot has happened after that. 
> 
> Poor Mike. His death traumatized me so it's definitely gonna fuck him up. I have the most trouble re-watching the first episode of season 2 because I just can't deal with it. I could feel Mike's fear. He deserved better.
> 
> So with Izzy, I absolutely love her and I think it's weird when people treat her like a sensitive little girl because honestly she reminds me a lot of Eren. Hotheaded, reckless, cocky, but also very loving, sweet and a bit child like I had so much fun writing Isabel and Farlan in they are so much fun. 
> 
> And OOOoooo What's going on with Levi? Something I've noticed is that most Eruri fics take place from Levi's perspective which I'm gonna be doing more in the future. Erwin is very analytical and it can be difficult to write for him. But anyway, What does Levi know???
> 
> Comment and Kudos Please. I appreciate them all. and they kinda motivate me to write more.


	4. Shadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin processes what he's learned from Farlan and Isabel. Memories from the past slowly takes shape in his mind reminding him of what he's lost, and he must figure out where to go from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back! First off, I wanna thank everyone who left comments and kudos or sent me messages letting me know that you enjoyed this story. They really mean a lot of me and let me know that you wanna read more which helps motivate me to write more.  
> I loved the debate started in last chapter’s comments regarding Levi’s race. If anyone’s interested I did get a lot of interesting feedback whenever I asked people on Tumblr what they thought about the matter. 
> 
> http://shadowgale96.tumblr.com/post/171186633374/eruri-is-pretty-neat-lostcauses-noregrets
> 
> I did go ahead and tag the story for Biracial/Asian Levi because as far as this story is concerned, I’ve chosen to interpret him as mixed race.
> 
> I also did make a few edits to the previous chapter. Nothing plot or event wise. But after having it pointed out to me and re-reading, I realized I referred to Levi as blue-eyed way more than I thought I did :/ I meant to use it once or twice in reference to how they looked in certain lighting, but it just didn’t work. So, I did go ahead and fix that too. Thanks guys!
> 
> Also, thanks for waiting everyone, I have a really fucking long chapter coming up next so I hope that helps make up for it. ^_^.

_*Past*_

“Word has it that they’re threatening to revoke our funding again.”

Erwin nodded. “They want better results. The upcoming expedition should give us an opportunity to provide that.”

“We’ve lost a lot of backers Erwin.” Mike said doubtfully.

“And they can be persuaded back, or we can find new support.”

“Uh-huh.”

The heels of their boots clicked rhythmically together as the marched down the hallway at Headquarters. The noise echoed out making the hall seem longer than it was, as well as more secluded. This was a moment to breathe, but pressing matters still lingered on the horizon, dawning on them much to quickly.

They were coming up on another expedition, funding was still low, and the capital needed more incentive to offer support. No matter how much the soldiers trained, support from the capital was crucial for their survival. Both as a Corps and individually. Being caught unprepared out in the field… it would surely mean death for them all.

Two battles were always being waged: The war beyond the walls, and the one within the ballrooms of Sina. Both Erwin needed to survive both if progress was to be made.

“The situation in the capital is under control.” Erwin stated.

“Yeah, you’re always ten steps ahead of everyone aren’t you” Mike said in a bit of a mocking tone.

Erwin paused.

“Why do I feel like you know something I don’t?” Erwin asked eyeing Mike.

Mike didn’t answer right away. He took a long sniff of the nose and let out a breath. A smile formed at the corner of his mouth only confusing Erwin more.

“You have a shadow.” Mike said very calmly.

Erwin stopped walking and looked around. Behind them, much farther down the corridor, Levi was walking their way. His eyes trained directly on them with a calm yet intense focus. He didn’t stop or startle when Erwin noticed him. He kept his pace and continued watching.

Erwin gave Mike a pat on the shoulder. “I’ll catch up with you another time.”

“You sure?”

Erwin gave Mike a look of confidence. Without another word, Mike nodded and left. Although they weren’t at odds anymore, Mike had been keeping a watchful eye on Levi. Which meant keeping an eye on Erwin as well. Erwin appreciated it, even if it was unnecessary. Since their first expedition together, Levi hadn’t made a single move to harm him. In fact, he had been doing the opposite.

“Levi.” Erwin greeted when he caught up.

Levi watched him in response not bothering with a ‘hello’.

“Did you need something?”

“No.” Levi replied flatly.

Erwin quirked a brow. Then what was he doing following them?

“You… seemed to be after something just then, or have I misunderstood?”

“Can’t I walk?”

Talking to Levi with his consistently simple and flat answers was ever the challenge, but not one he wasn’t prepared to meet.

“You can.” Erwin said slowly. “I’m just curious as to why it’s always behind me.”

Levi looked at him for a moment. Like maybe he didn’t have an answer, but then he said. “I wanted to.”

Erwin stared back at him. Well that was an honest response if there ever was one, but not one that held a lot of answers. This wasn’t the first time something like this had happened. Just like Mike had said, Levi had become his shadow.

“Where were you heading?” Levi asked.

“The library.”

Levi nodded. “Let’s go then.” He pushed past Erwin with his normal blank expression as if nothing about this was odd. “Are you coming?”

As much as he tried to, Erwin didn’t understand it. This switch in behavior from Levi for what they had been when he’d first convinced Levi to joined, it was strange to say the least. But even though Erwin searched for malicious intent, he always found none. Levi just… wanted to follow.

Erwin turned heel and stepped up walking at Levi’s shoulder. They walked in silence the entire way there, although the silence didn’t seem to bother Levi in the slightest. It was refreshing, not needing to speak. Levi didn’t require small talk, or trivial words. He just walked at Erwin’s side.

It didn’t take long for them to reach the library. Erwin pushed open the door, holding it to allow Levi to step in with him.

“The library is open to everyone.” Erwin explained. “Feel free to grab anything that piques your interest.”

But Levi didn’t touch anything he just continued following closely behind Erwin who gathered what he needed from the shelves they passed.

“Nothing interesting catch your eye?” Erwin asked.

“No.”

_Well, alright then._

They took a seat at an empty table. Erwin set his books down with a loud _thud_. They looked like small mountains surrounding him. Levi sat quietly across from him hidden behind the stacks of books.

With that, Erwin fell into his work.

When a stiffness in Erwin’s back demanded his attention. Erwin leaned back in he chairs popping his back loudly and rolling his aching shoulders. As he did so, he saw that the room was much emptier than before. Completely in fact. The light coming through the windows had even gone orange. Erwin blinked realizing time had gotten away from him again.

Erwin pushed himself up from the table and noticed he wasn’t entirely alone. Behind his piles of paperwork was Levi. He was still sitting in the chair across from Erwin with arms crossed. His head was slightly lulled to the side and his breathing calm and easy.

_He’s still here._

And he was asleep. Erwin glanced around for a moment not quite sure what to do in this situation. Erwin let out a quiet sigh and silently began putting away his books looking Levi’s way every time he slid a book into its place on the shelf. Once that was done, Levi still was showing no signs of waking.

He didn’t want to wake him. Levi looked tired enough with those ever present dark circles under his eyes. Erwin leaned in a little closer. He’d never seen Levi look so calm. There was a feeling of soft wonder as he watch the man. That crinkle in between his brow was smooth. Relaxed. His lips no longer pressed into a tight line but rather content and… soft. Erwin stepped back.

He doesn’t understand where the last thought came from. He looked around the library with a feeling almost like embarrassment. As he already knew, no one was there. It’s not like Levi caught him either. So what was this feeling inside him?

They were still alone, and considering the time, they probably would be for a long while. Everyone was probably off in the mess. He definitely wasn’t just about to leave Levi here. He huffed out a calm breath and made his decision. Erwin walked over to a couch by the window and tried to ignore the sudden growling of his stomach. Well, it’s not like he hasn’t missed a meal before.

He stretched his arms and got comfortable. Now that he was laying down, his eyes suddenly felt as heavy as stone. He looked over at Levi once more before he allowed his lids to ease closed. Weeks ago, he would never have done this without fear or a knife slicing into his neck. Now… Erwin trusted him. Since Levi had fallen asleep in his presence with ease, Levi must have trusted him too. He wasn’t quite sure when, but things changed.

Within minutes, he was asleep.

* * *

 

_*Present*_

There was a _tink_ of metal on glass as Erwin tossed his keys into a bowl. He shut his apartment door behind him and walked in shedding his coat and kicking off his shoes. He’d just gotten back from the bar. French fries and liquor weren’t nearly enough to sate his hunger. So he bee-lined it straight for the kitchen.

Farlan hadn’t been much for conversation after he’d realized. The memory made Erwin smirk. They would have to talk more later once Farlan had a change to absorb everything. As humorous as it was, It had to put its own toll on the mind. Realizing life didn’t stop when yours did. That your dearest friends had entire lives you didn’t know about, or consider.

He wonders what Farlan had thought became of Levi after that first expedition. Based on his initial reaction, maybe he’d assumed Levi died there. Perhaps he thought Levi followed through with their original plan. Maybe he lived free on the surface, maybe he was tried and hanged for killing Erwin.

The truth must have reworked Farlan’s entire perception of reality. Levi survived, Levi joined the Scouting Legion, Levi formed new friendships as well as other things.

It was a strange thing to accept. Erwin understood that much. He would need some time before they spoke again, and Erwin would just have to wait. Farlan and Isabel didn’t seem to know much anyway. Whether that was a good or a bad things, Erwin couldn’t say. but it did offer insight. The only question he had now was where he was supposed to go with this new information.

Erwin opened his cabinet and pulled out a bag of chips. It crinkled and popped loudly as he tore it open. He took it into the living room and fell down onto the couch. Chips crunching was the only sound in the apartment as Erwin contemplated his day. After a minute, he pulled out his phone. Mike was working late tonight, and Hanji… Hanji was doing something questionable with their colleges from the Bio Wing. He didn’t want to talk to Nile or Nanaba either… She was a good friend, but it felt odd to talk about his emotional turmoil with her.

As Erwin looked through his phone, he saw he had a voicemail. It was from his father. Erwin smirked, the older man never just sent him a text. Maybe it was a generational thing.

Erwin tapped into his voicemail and put the phone to his ear.

 ** _Erwin, It’s your father._** He spoke in a happy greeting. **_I’m having such a wonderful time here. I know it’s business, but if feels like a vacation. I wish you were here to see some of the architecture being discovered. The pictures I’ve sent don’t do enough credit. Maybe next time you can get out of work, yes?_**

Erwin sighed as leaned back further into his couch. His father’s words soothed him.

**_You’d love it here. The secrets we’re discovering, what we’re learning about ancient peoples. There’s so much, Erwin! I wish it hadn’t fallen on your Birthday though._ **

The giddiness to his voice morphed into heavy regret. Erwin had told him not to feel bad. He was an adult now. His father didn’t need to feel bad if something came up. Especially if that something mattered to him. But that wouldn’t stop a parent from feeling guilt. There was a somber sigh over the line.

**_You probably don’t want to listen to me ramble._ **

_That’s not true_. Erwin thought. He enjoyed hearing his father speak about his passions. He was just happy that he even could.

**_Anyway, But I wanted to let you know, I’ll be coming home soon. It shouldn’t be much longer, so when I get back we’ll do something for your birthday. I hope that sounds good?_ **

Erwin smiled into the receiver.

**_It’s about time for lights-off here, so I’ll talk to you soon, Erwin. I love you. Bye._ **

The phone beeped off. The silence left the room feeling much emptier than it was. Erwin turned off his screen and set the phone off to the side.

A bittersweet feeling ached over his heart as he watched the phone sitting quietly on the coffee table. His father was happy. This life made him happy. His father was the same as he had been from before. But… He didn’t seem to remember anything. Why that is, Erwin didn’t know. It was just like Levi, but at the same time, it wasn’t.

When Erwin’s memories started to return in sharper clarity, he just assumed his father’s would too. But they never did. His father never mentioned Paridis or of any memories he had there. The was nothing. Not even mention of any strange dreams.

it didn’t make any sense. Levi didn’t remember him either, but he seemed… to recognize him. Erwin’s head started to pang.

He thought he could accept his father not remembering anything. Maybe it was better that way. But, all of his friends from before remembered, and by that logic, Levi should too. Even If Erwin’s father didn’t remember him, he was still in his life. They still had a relationship. But, Levi didn’t even want to talk to him.

If Levi doesn’t remember him, then what the hell is he going to do?

* * *

_Titans had him surrounded. They bored down on them from every direction. Men were being yanked off the ground. Screams and dust littered the air, and red rained down. They were dying. Dying because of him, and he couldn’t even do anything. Erwin was on his knees in the middle of the battlefield. He’d lost his horse. And his arm was… well, it was gone. Pain shot though him with every motion along with the strangest feeling of the cool air hitting his open muscle. He didn’t know he had feeling there._

_His heart was pounding manically in his chest. Fight to keep him awake, fighting to keep him alive. A handful of soldiers joined in. Taking defensive positions around him and defending him with their very lives. And one by one they were being devoured._

_They shouldn’t have been protecting him. They should be retrieving Eren. They needed Eren. They didn’t need him. He was replaceable. His vision blurred as he searched for the boy. Then he spotted him closer than expected. Fifty yards or so away, Eren sat in the grass with one of his friends. His arms steamed, and the girl was clutching her side for support, injured from a Titan. Neither were in a position to fight. They sat on the ground staring up in horror as an enormous titan descended upon them._

_It’s most distinguishing feature: a tormentingly eerie smile plastered across its face._

_Erwin felt the weight of his body sinking in on him. The world was already starting to tilt. There was nothing they could do now. His men were being eaten. He didn’t have his horse. Some of his best soldiers and friends were already dead. And Levi… where was Levi? Maybe he was already gone_.

Erwin bolted upright in bed. The dark blue colors of the night were the first thing to greet him.

_More nightmares._

Erwin’s breathy pants echoed across his bedroom as his blue eyes darted around. It took a minute for him to resister where he was now. He flopped back onto his pillows once he confirmed that he was indeed in his apartment and he was safe. The heart pounding inside his chest didn’t seem to get the memo. As he laid there breathing, he tried to wrap himself around whatever was happening inside his head.

There was a dull ache shooting down his arm, but it wasn’t real. It had been, but it wasn’t now. Now, it was just in his head. _Deep breath._ He instructed. _In…. and out._

His dream was longer now. There were still holes in his memory, but it was becoming clearer. All those bodies around him… Where were his friends? Erwin didn’t want to think about it. He wasn’t back there anymore, he was in his apartment. His comfortable apartment with white walls tinted blue from the night. There weren’t any Titans here. Just cotton sheets now damp with sweat.

Of course, he can’t forget either. Remembering was important. He just wished the past hadn’t been so difficult. Admittedly, part of him wishes these memories would just leave, but then Guilt would be tapping on his shoulder and reminding him: to forget the bad would mean forgetting everything else as well. Like all the people who died believing it was for something greater. The friends he’d joined the Scouting Legion with, the squad leaders he watched die, and all those under his command. He owed it to them not to forget.

There were other things he’d never want to forget as well. All the precious moments in between it all. Once the pain subsided, He raised his hand above him looking for the scar there.

In another life, he had grown accustomed to looking at it from time to time. Erwin would run his hand gently across the silvery line, feeling the rise in his skin as his thumb traced the blemish. He would do this whenever they were far apart. Whether separated by danger or diplomacy or maybe both. He traced this old wound, thinking about the person that gave it to him.

But Erwin sighed as he looked at the flawless pale skin above him.

That scar had faded a long time ago. Actually, it never existed in this life at all. Only the old one. A depressing pain sunk down through Erwin’s chest. Maybe it wasn’t the only thing left behind in that old life.

Erwin’s fingers ghosted over where the scar used to be. He could picture it so clearly. It was a mark that Levi had made in anger. Before they had really known each other and when Levi had only seen him as an enemy. Ironically, it was Levi’s blade that had threatened him, but Erwin who had pushed himself into it just for the chance to get a little closer to the man. To convince him they did not have to fight.

It worked.

After the expedition, Levi waited close by as one of the medics tended to Erwin’s hand, watching him with an expression Erwin couldn’t quite place. Remorse perhaps? Then disappeared once it was all wrapped and stitched. Erwin didn’t know what to make of it. He knew Levi would need time. Time to grieve. Time to process his new position in life. A lot had changed for him in such sort time.

He didn’t, however, expect Levi to arrive in his office with fresh gauze clutched tightly in his hand. Then they fell into a routine. Levi came by twice a day to change Erwin’s bandages. He did so silently. Never ushering more than a “gimmie” or a “let me see” when he arrived. It was unexpected how gentle Levi’s touch had been.

That’s how it started.

Erwin couldn’t for the life of him understand Levi’s actions. He appreciated them, but he didn’t understand them. After a while, Erwin saw something odd in Levi’s expression. Something he wouldn’t have noticed on the man’s vacant face if they hadn’t been spending so much time together. It was confusion. Maybe Levi didn’t know why he was there either. Maybe this was how he grieved, or maybe he just needed somewhere to be, or something to do. Erwin couldn’t say for sure. He was so good at reading people, but Levi had the most elusive mind.

When Erwin’s hand finally healed, Levi still came in. He found other reasons to justify his presence. Erwin’s book case was too dusty, the windows hadn’t been cleaned, or the floor needed sweeping. Levi’s presence in his office slowly became normal, expected even. After a while, people knew to find him there. Most people came in looking for Erwin, but whenever Shadis or Levi’s new squamates needed him for something, they’d come straight to Erwin’s office.

Once it got late into the evening, Levi forcefully remind Erwin he had to eat and dragged him out of his chair with nothing more than a death glare. Erwin’s visits became more regular and habitual with Levi pulling him away from his paperwork to eat on time. They would sit with other squad leaders and Erwin’s own squad. Levi’s rank and position in the formation was constantly being shifted around enough for him to not really belong anywhere else.

Those were good moments. Moments Erwin could relax and take a breath even if it was just for the duration of a meal. He enjoyed the moments in his office too. Levi didn’t demand conversation or demand anything from his presence. He just made things a little easier and days a little less lonely.

Erwin let out a sigh in his bed.

He wasn’t in those moments anymore. The ache in his chest and the emptiness of his apartment reminded him of that. His stomach growled. It echoed loudly in the night’s quiet air. The ghost of a glare appeared in his mind’s eye. He should get something to eat.

Erwin climbed out of bed giving the clock a glance. It was almost five in the morning. Well, at least it was better than two.

He dragged his sluggish feet out of the room feeling a stiff crick in neck that he tried to massage. In his kitchen, he pulled out his coffee maker. Most of the time, he used it for what it was made for, but other times… on nights like this one, he did something else. Someone would be scowling at him if they knew how he was preparing his tea.

Erwin pulled out a container of yet other brand of tea he decided to try. None of them ever tasted how he wanted them to.

He placed a filter inside the top of his coffee maker and poured in a couple scoops of tea. He watched water fill the inside of the maker with a tranquil ease. A calm breath filled his lungs and he felt himself start to relax.

Then there was a knock at door. The sudden noise jolted through him. It made him snap towards the direction of the door.

_Who?_

He walked over to the front door pausing for only a moment before opening. Either way it was extremely late or terribly early. When he opened the door, he saw Mike standing on the other side.

“Mike?”

“Hey,” Mike said in a relaxed, casual tone. It almost made Erwin forget what time it was. “You want some company?”

“How did you-”

“We’re best friends, Erwin. Call it a sixth sense sorta thing.”

Erwin huffed out a laugh. He stepped aside allowing Mike to come in. “I thought that nose was your sixth sense.”

Mike walked passed him. “I thought you were the smart one. Scent is already one of the main five.”

They walked into the kitchen together. Mike paused as he noticed the coffee pot tea Erwin had been making. Sniffing lightly, he knew exactly what it was. Mike didn’t react, and Erwin could tell he was trying not to.

Mike turned to him and said “So you planning on take out again or can I make us some real food?”

Erwin forced a tired smile. “Make whatever you want. My home is yours.”

Mike bee-lined it toward the fridge and got to work. Looking at the coffee maker, Erwin saw that his drink was done. He poured his tea into a mug. He ran his thumb along the side, feeling the cool ceramic mug turn hot against his skin.

He leaned back against the counter, watching Mike as he cooked something that smelled amazing. He shouldn’t have to be here, he shouldn’t need to be doing this. Especially not with Nanaba waiting back as his apartment.

Mike had enough to worry about as it is with his memories crippling him in the night and haunting him during the day. A heavy lump formed deep in Erwin’s throat. He should be burdening anyone like this-

“Hey.” Mike voice shook through him.

Erwin snapped out of his daze and looked up at Mike.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Erwin said. “I’m fine.”

* * *

“I’ve been remembering things.” Erwin admitted.

“What kind of things?” Mike asked.

Mike was perched up on a barstool leaning over the marble island that looked into Erwin’s kitchen where his friend was preparing a drink.

Erwin paused looking into the palm of his right hand like he had earlier. His words came out barely above a whisper. “A battle.”

“What?”

“It was an emergency mission outside the walls. The garrison and the military police even sent men to fight. We were… chasing someone.” Erwin paused. He didn’t remember all of it only fragments. But based on what he remembered in his dream… “Eren had been captured. We had to get him back. The Armored Titan even made and appearance.”

The image came into his mind as clear as day. Footsteps boomed behind him. Erwin instinctively turned, thinking another mindless one was tumbling his way. But he was wrong. The monster burst from the tree line.

He hadn’t seen it before. He’d only heard the reports. A living tank. A creature that tore through the walls like carrion. The Armored Titan.

Its flesh was almost rock-like, and its mouth looked like it was welded shut. There were no pupils in its eyes. They glowed dimly, lacking any semblance of humanity or remorse. Time moved slow has he watched it run. Erwin didn’t have anything to compare it to then, but now in this life he had more or a reference. It moved almost like a linebacker.

Erwin shook his head, snapping back to reality. He took a deep breath to steady himself and returned to placing a new filter in his coffee maker.

“Shit, I don’t remember anything like that…”

“That’s the thing. You weren’t there.” Erwin saw Mike’s expression waver at the implications. “None of you were. not you. not Hanji. not Nanaba, and not Levi.”

Mike shook his head. “That doesn’t make sense. Hanji said they’d seen Levi with longer hair, so there’s no way either of them were dead.”

 “I’ve had the same thought. I’m just trying to put it all together. Everything after the expedition with the Female Titan is still fuzzy, but pieces of it are coming together. Now I’m just trying to make sense of it.” Erwin explained. “Levi injured himself during that mission.”

Mike’s eyes widened. “That’s right he did.” He put the pieces together quickly. “So, if what your remembering happened shortly after that-”

“He wouldn’t have been fit to go on the mission.”

That had to be what it was. With what he knew, it was the only thing that made any sense.

“But what about Hanj?”

“Based on what we know Hanji couldn’t have died there. The only logical explanation would be that they weren’t on the mission either.”

Mike crossed his arms. “So, where were they?”

Erwin furrowed his brows. “I’m still not sure on that.”

“But?” Mike asked.

He let out a light sigh. Erwin raised his hand looking where that silver line used to be. Softly he said, “It’s like it’s right there. I feel like I remember knowing, but I just can’t grab it. And, each time I try it starts to crumble more, slipping through my fingers like sand.”

Mike gave his friend a knowing look and a silence settled between them.

“So, what now?” Mike asked.

“I don’t know.”

Perhaps he could track Levi down through his friends… Erwin let out a soft sigh. No, that wouldn’t be right. It would be an extreme invasion of privacy. After his poor attempts at making contact, snooping wouldn’t bode well for him.

Mike pulled his phone out from his pocket and started dialing.

“What are you doing?” Erwin asked.

“Calling Hanj.”

“Hanji doesn’t remember much more than we do.”

“Yeah, but your story might rattle some bolts loose.” Mike joked in monotone as he dialed.

* * *

It wasn’t long before an energetic rhythm of knocks at the door pulled their attention. They echoed loudly through the apartment disrupting the stillness.

“It’s open.” Erwin called.

The door came open, and Erwin was grateful he didn’t hear it slam against the wall. Hanji marched into the room with a skip to their step and greeted Erwin and Mike with a smile. Hanji was dressed in a colorful arrangement of fall cloths and carrying a large binder full of paperwork that poked out at the sides. Their ponytail was as disheveled as ever.

“Have a slumber party?” Hanji joked noticing the men’s very casual pajama pants.

Mike sniffed. “Just a late late morning.”

“So, I hear you tracked down two very interesting leads.” Hanji said.

Erwin looked over at Mike with a bit of surprise. He hadn’t told Hanji where he’d be going. They left before Erwin and Mike found that website with information on Farlan and Isabel. And he hadn’t heard Mike tell Hanji over his phone call.

“I bumped into Hanj on the way out yesterday. They asked where you were.” Mike explained.

“Ah.”

“What’d they say?” Hanji probed with curious eyes.

Erwin explained the situation. How Farlan and Isabel reacted to him, how unlike them, they recalled all of their past lives in its entirety. And what they experienced with Levi.

“Some they didn’t know a damn thing either.” Mike stated.

Hanji held their chin with their thumb. “They could recall everything? That’s remarkable.”

“They said it took time to come back to them but yes, they remember everything leading up to their deaths.”

“If that’s true-” Hanji looked over at Mike. “Then it could be assumed that it’s only a matter of time until the rest of us to remember as well.”

Mike shifted in his seat, uncomfortable at the implications. He took a deep breath and huffed it out. “So, what do we now?”

“Hm?”

“About Levi.” Mike clarified wanting to focus on something else. “Are you saying we should just wait for him to remember us?”

Hanji look at their feet, thin brows knitting as they thought. “Well, that is a little different. Levi should remember most of his life at this point, but, as Erwin said, he doesn’t seem to recall anything. Which it unlike what we’ve been experiencing.”

“But his memories will come back. Right?” Erwin asked earnestly or perhaps desperately.

Hanji shook their head and shrugged. “I couldn’t say for sure….Maybe…. maybe this is just how it’s gonna be.”

Erwin rose from his seat. “What are you talking about?”

“If Levi was going to remember us, he should have by now. If he hasn’t yet…”

Erwin didn’t want to let Hanji finish their sentence. “We can’t just give up on him. We have to try.”

“But why?” Hanji said. “You said he seemed fine as he is now. Maybe this life is better for him. Are you seriously suggesting we take that away from him?”

Erwin looked up with wide eyes gaping at Hanji. It was the other night all over again. “We don’t know that he won’t remember eventually.”

“But we can’t guarantee he will either.” Hanji countered.

“Levi is our friend, and he needs us.”

“But Erwin…” Light bounced off Hanji’s glasses as they lowered her face. Their expression became serious. “If he doesn’t remember anything, then he really isn’t Levi. Is he?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everybody! I really appreciate hearing from you. Let me know what you thought and if you have any predictions. The next chapter is going to be LONG omg. I've actually been writing a lot for this story in my free time. I just postpone coming back an editing the earlier stuff. Plus I've been having a lot of writers block with this next chapter. Hopefully, it won't take long for me to get out. Thanks again everybody. Hope you enjoyed.


	5. The Words I'll Never Forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! It's my birthday. So, Happy Birthday to me and here's a chapter for all of you. ^^ Anyway I've been working on this chapter a long time and I hope you all enjoy it. This time we have a past POV from Levi. This could probably be considered a stand alone thing, but I wanted it to be apart of this story. Enjoy!

 

_***Past Levi's POV*** _

 

It had been several months since Levi’s first expedition beyond the wall. In that time, he’d managed to survive a few more. People were starting to talk. He heard them whisper his name as he passed and mumbling to each other when they thought he was out of earshot. He was already racking up an impressive streak when it came to Titan slaying. At least, that’s what he was hearing anyway. That’s what grabbed everyone’s attention, but it’s not the only thing they were saying. They called him ‘expressionless’ and a ‘born killer’. Rumors of his past life filled the barracks in the late hours.

Their words left an uneasy feeling swirling in Levi’s gut. As it festered, it morphed into annoyance. Why couldn’t they just ask him rather than waste their time? But then again, he didn’t want them to ask. It was a contradiction, but he wished they’d just leave it alone.

It’s not that people were unkind to him. It’s just that most didn’t know what to make of him outside of the gossip. Levi ate his meals alone or at odd hours when no one was in the mess. He trained alone too. Keeping to himself unless directly asked to do otherwise. It’s wasn’t unusual to even catch him cleaning around the base from time to time either.

However, when he wasn’t doing any of those things. He disappeared.

He didn’t go far, in fact. It had taken a while for those who looked for him to realize where he’d go: Squad Leader Erwin’s office.

That’s when a new word started floating around on people’s lips. ‘Dog.’

Although, this word was ignored by most in the Scouting Legion. Probably, out of silent respect for what he did beyond The Walls. This word was reserved for the brass, and the police, and the tight asses at the banquets Erwin would attend. To them, he was the feral mutt Erwin had plucked from the gutter and put in uniform.

Even though Levi mostly stayed at the base, he knew what they were saying. Their gossip was like venom in his ears. It’s not like it really mattered though. Their insults would fade as they found knew interests to occupy their time. He mostly just tried to ignore it all.

Which is why he preferred to be alone.

“You’re not bunking here.” Levi said folding back his sheets.

“Am too.” Hanji chimed. Throwing her things onto her new buck. The buck was right across from Levi’s.

Hanji plopped down on her chosen bed. Of all the people to get reassigned to his room, it had to be shit glasses. He thought he’d be bunking with new recruits but evidently Hanji’s old bunkmates were so fed up with her they went and demanded a switch. Now, she was here with a shitty grin on her face watching Levi fix up his bed.

“Don’t get comfortable.” Levi snapped.

“And just why won’t I be staying?”

Levi slowed his work. His shoulders tensed. He had lived this conversation before. Last time had been with Isabel. She was so excited to see the bunks only to be assigned to another room. Flagon had told her girls weren’t allowed. She had been so upset. Whining in protest and demanding a place with her friends. During their time together in the Underground, Isabel, Farlan, and Levi lived under one roof practically sharing a room on most nights. The idea of separating was painful for her. It didn’t end up mattering. Isabel had ended up falling asleep on the roof under the stars, next to Farlan and Levi.

“Girls aren’t allowed to sleep in this wing.” Levi finally said echoing Flagon’s words. Bile rose in the back of his throat. Tongue twisting at the reminder of the dead man. The image of Flagon’s body still fresh in Levi’s mind. Chunks of the man had been scattered amongst a field a grass, damp from rain and painted red. His eyes, large, and starring into nothing, and his mouth open and twisted into what Levi’s assumes to have been a dying scream.

Levi grimaced. Flagon was an ass, but he was an ass that died fighting alongside his friends. He died, defending Farlan and Isabel. An action so completely unexpected: a man from the surface giving his life for people from the Underground. Levi hadn’t understood then. When he first came to the Survey Corps he felt a wall between him and the other soldiers. That wall wasn’t real, though. The only one that was, was the one between humans and the titans. If you’re gonna live, you can’t afford to be second guessing each other.

He hadn’t understood then, but he does now.

Levi listened for a remark from Hanji, expecting some kind of rebuttal or snappy quip, but none came. For the first time since meeting her, Hanji was silent. Levi stopped what he was doing. He turned looking back at her. Hanji was still sitting in the same spot on the bed

Moblit was there too, and he wasn’t moving either. He stood frozen near the door carrying a box of his things.

Hanji grabbed her other arm. “Well, I’m not-I…uh…I.. it’s complicated.” she murmured.

Levi stared at her. She is a girl, right? Levi knew it was incredibly rude the moment he caught himself trying to eye Hanji up and down. Then it hit him. He hadn’t heard anyone refer to Hanji either way. Levi’s eyes widened.

Hanji looked down at their boots. “I’m sorry, if that bothers you. I can request a transfer. You were in here first after all.”

Levi walked over to them and grabbed the base of their ponytail. It was greasy and matted and wild with tangles, but Levi held on. Hanji looked up at him surprised. “Stop being dumb.” Levi said ruffling their hair. When Levi let go he looked down at his hand. Levi wiped his palm with his fingers. “Now, go shower.”

* * *

A lantern was burning providing decent lighting for the late hours. Hanji sat crisscross in a bunk flipping through notes. Meanwhile, Levi was up as well. He had been cleaning since Hanji got back from their shower and was now on his knees scrubbing vigorously against the dresser. Although, he did try to keep his movements silent. Moblit lay unconscious in the bunk right above Hanji’s. He clocked out hours ago.

Levi moved back to inspect his work. It was almost to his satisfaction. He leaned back letting out a breath and allowing his muscles to relax a bit from all the scrubbing. He heard the sound of pen scratching paper and turned around to look over at Hanji.  

“Don’t you sleep four-eyes?”

“Nope.” Hanji chimed turning another page in her research. “Don’t worry, I find time to catch up on it. What about you huh? Something keeping you up?”

“No.”

“No?” Hanji asked. Then they hesitantly looked over at Levi. “Is it me?”

“Huh?” Levi glanced at Hanji seeing their uncertainty. “No.”

Hanji quirked a brow. “Really? Then what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Then why are you cleaning in the middle of the night?”

“Because.” Levi grunted as he scrubbed the hard to reach corners of the dresser. “I want to.”

Hanji laughed. “You know, all my other roommates hated that I stay up so late working. Even Moblit is just putting up with it the best he can.” Hanji tapped the roof of their buck getting a light moan out of Moblit. Hanji laughed again. “But you’re a night owl too, huh?”

Levi leaned back from the dresser inspecting his work. “I guess. But I don’t really sleep.”

Hanji blinked. “What.”

“I can’t sleep.” Levi sighed as he stood up. “I can, but only for an hour or two a day.”

“And… that’s enough for you?” Hanji asked.

“Yeah.” Levi said.

Hanji smiled. “Levi, I think you’re my perfect bunk buddy.”

Moblit shot up whining out what Levi thinks is a ‘What?’ before the man’s head _thunks_ hard against the wood ceiling.

* * *

Early the next morning, after Hanji dragged him to breakfast, Levi found himself back in his room. He had a bucket in hand and a white bandana tying his hair back. Those windows still needed washing. Hanji sat in their bed filling the silence with nothing that particularly caught Levi’s interest. They had been droning on about Titans since plopping down next to Levi in the mess hall.

At first, Hanji seemed completely unbearable, but the rambling faded into white noise as Levi cleaned. He didn’t quite understand Hanji’s obsession. It was simple. Titans were monsters. That’s all they were. Heartless, mindless, murdering things that needed to be carved. Levi’s cloth squeaked louder against the glass as he scrubbed.

The door to their room opened, and a young man stepped in. Hanji stopped talking and Levi turned. The man looked new. Maybe newer than Levi. His straight back and ridged shoulders stood out like a shit-stained pot next to Hanji slouching against the wall of their bunk and Levi nonchalantly power cleaning the windows.

“I’ve come with a message from Squad Leader Smith.” He said much too professionally. The new recruit held out an envelope toward Levi. “It’s for you, sir.”

Levi paused, eyeing the envelope before turning back to his task.

“Read it then.” Levi said as he continued to scrub the window.

Hanji’s eyes narrowed a bit as they looked from the man over to Levi.

The recruit’s formal voice wavered. “Squad Leader Smith instructed me to give it directly to you.”

“Well I’m _incapacitated_ ” Levi hissed in a mocking tone.

“I-um… I’m not sure if I’m supposed-”

 “Lose the stick from your ass and read it. It’s not anything important.” Levi said annoyed.

If it was actually important or an emergency, Erwin wouldn’t be sending a snot nosed brat to run him a message.

The boy startled back. His cheeks tinted a soft red, and he did as he was told. Opening the letter, he read that Erwin wanted to see Levi as soon as he was available. There were important matters that needed to be discussed. Once he was done, the recruit lowered the letter and looked at Levi expectantly.

“You can leave now, errand-boy.”

“Right, Yes.” He gave and awkward bow and rushed out of the room.

Hanji snorted. “You’re terrible.”

“He was annoying.”

“You didn’t have to make him pee his pants though.”

Levi didn’t respond. He undid his bandana and started walking out of the room.

“What’s this?” Hanji’s asked playfully. “Levi’s not gonna finish cleaning first?”

Levi’s expression remained flat. Without looking, he threw his wet rag straight into Hanji’s face and made his way out the door.

* * *

Levi went directly to Erwin’s office. These hallways had become less than second nature to him over the past months, and the path to Erwin’s office was one he could walk blindfolded. Within minutes he arrived. He didn’t bother knocking but rather pushed open the door and marched in with a blank expression.

Erwin was sitting in his regular spot behind his desk in front of a large drawn back window. The noise pulled his attention up to Levi. Levi wasn’t sure what Erwin wanted him for, but whatever it was Erwin looked almost giddy about it.

“Please sit.” Erwin said gesturing to the chairs in front of him.

Levi did as instructed, sliding down into a chair and awaiting what Erwin had to say. Neither bothered with small talk. It’s as they prefer it.

Erwin offered him a small smile. “You’re being promoted.”

“What.”

That, Levi hadn’t been expecting. His back immediately went stiff. _What the fuck?_ He hasn’t even been in the Survey Corps that long. Erwin pulled a file out from his stack of paperwork that sat on the edge of his desk and slid it to him. Levi just glanced at it before staring back up at Erwin.

“You’d be a team leader.” Erwin clarified. “The soldiers answer to the team leaders. The team leaders to squad leaders and so on. You’d be in more of a position of authority that someone of your age and skill is better suited for.”

Levi’s brow crinkled as Erwin continued to talk. He didn’t understand. He did, but he didn’t. On the past few expeditions Levi had operated as a member of Erwin’s squad, and now he was being reassigned suddenly? A surge of thoughts shot through his mind. One of the most immediate one’s being something Levi hadn’t expected to feel: _How am I supposed to keep you from dying?_

There were other thoughts too. Things Levi didn’t want to have to deal with. People under his command for one. He doesn’t want to be in charge of a military unit. They’d just be more lives in his hands. More lives he could destroy if he makes one false move. He’s not even qualified for such a position.

And then there’s one other thing. Something he knows is going to pose a problem.

 “Of course, there’ll be some changes along with your new position.” Erwin began. “You’ll be assigned new quarters. More private than the one you’re accustomed to. You’d have more duties to attend to as well. You’ll be assigned your own team, and you’ll need to begin filing reports. And-”

“No.”

Erwin paused. The corner of his lip crinkled slightly at the immediate rejection. “What?”

“No.” Levi said again but more firmly. “I don’t want a promotion.”

Erwin stared at him. Mouth agape in confusion, but he recovered quickly.

“You… Don’t want a promotion?”

“No.”

“It has higher pay.” Erwin tried.

“Tch. I’m not exactly here because of the money.”

A frown settled on Erwin’s lips. “Levi, I need you in a position more suited to your talents.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “You’ve been doing fine with me where I am.”

“We won’t be able to operate as efficiently if you keep your current rank. It is better, strategically speaking, to move you to where you will be more useful and where someone of your talents can fully utilize their skills.”

Levi rose from his seat “The answer is ‘no’.”

“Levi.”

Levi walked out of his office, and the door slammed behind him

A fire was stirring deep inside. It was one of annoyance, and maybe a bit of embarrassment. Every step he took only seemed to fuel its flames more as Erwin’s words played in his mind.

He made his way back to the barracks. His arms stiff at his sides with fingers digging painfully into his palm. This was bound to happen eventually. He just hadn’t expected it to be so soon. His lips pursed together in a thin line. The door to his room slammed open to his touch.

Hanji’s messy ponytail jerked at the noise. They turned in their bunk and watched Levi with curious eyes as he marched back in. Moblit even startled glancing down at the scene. Levi immediately went for his cleaning supplies and resumed his work. Hanji stayed quiet, letting Levi’s fire cool as he power washed the windows. Their silence was unexpected, but Levi accepted it.

A couple of hours later, once the windows were done and the bedsheets and pillowcases had all been changed, Levi calmed. He sat down on the edge of his bed with his elbows resting slack against his knees. He let out a frustrated sigh. The mattress across from him creaked as Hanji tucked a knee under their chin.

Hanji now watched Levi with an overly pouted expression. “What’s with the face?”

Levi’s scowl deepened. “There’s not a ‘face’. This is just my face.”

“Of course, there’s a face. You look like you swallowed an onion. Doesn’t he look like he swallowed an onion, Moblit?”

“Hanji, please leave him alone.” Moblit whined as he continued going through his things on the top bunk.

Hanji just shook their head and turned back to Levi waiting to an explanation. It wasn’t eager or demanding though. Hanji just sat waiting patiently for whenever Levi was ready to talk.

There was a pause.

“Erwin wants to promote me.” Levi spat out bitterly.

Hanji blinked. “That bastard.”

Levi shot them a glare.

“What?” Hanji asked with hands raised. “I’m being supportive.”

Moblit chuckled above them.

“I can’t believe that fiend would so much as dare to offer you a better position with more money!” Hanji exclaimed.

Levi’s glare deepened. He shouldn’t have opened his mouth. Hanji raised their hands in surrender. Their expression then shifted into something oddly serene. It was unexpected.

“So, why don’t you want the new position?” Hanji asked curiously.

“Because I don’t want it.”

“No other reason?”

“There shouldn’t need to be another reason.”

Hanji nodded. “True, but this is unlike you.”

Levi just frowned and turned to lie back in his bed. He didn’t want to talk about this. He rolled to face the wall. After a few minutes passed, he hoped Hanji would just drop it. Sadly, he wasn’t so lucky.

“Leeeeeeevi.” Hanji prodded in a high pitched voice. “I know you’re not sleeping.”

Levi ignored them.

“You said you don’t sleep much. And something’s bothering you!”

“I wonder who.” Levi grumbled.

“I knew you weren’t asleep!” Hanji yelped in victory.

Levi frown deepened and he let out a frustrated noise.

“Com’on Levi,” Hanji whined. “Me and Moblit here can both see that something’s bothering you.

“Hanji, don’t drag me into this. Just leave the man be.” Moblit said.

But Hanji continued. “Yuh know Levi. Keeping these things all bottled up inside isn’t going to help anything. You’ll feel much better if you talk about it!”

There was a beat of silence as Hanji’s words hung in the air. Then Levi slowly turned in his bed shooting Hanji the most menacing glare. One that anyone could translate as ‘stop talking’.

“Oooooor ,tomorrow then.” Hanji said innocently.

* * *

 

The next morning, Levi found himself in the mess hall. He had already showered, and eaten, and tidied is room. This left him sitting alone at a table and scowling into his hand. People were steering clear of him, but still shot him questioning glances from other tables. Levi wasn’t usually here when everyone else was around. And the dull murmur of voices and prying eyes reminded him why.

Levi would rather be somewhere else, but his irritation hadn’t yet receded from the other day.

His hand slammed down on the wooden table. For a moment, the entire mess hall went silent. Levi rose from his seat and marched off toward the kitchen without bothering with anyone’s confused stares.

He needed tea.

The doors swung open with a loud kick from Levi. As Levi stepped into a larder, he heard a surprised yelp.

“Oh!”

A woman stepped back from a shelf, turning towards the noise. She was tall, and her lemon blonde hair was short and flipped over at the top. Baby blue eyes found Levi. Based on her expression she recognized him. Levi wished he could say the same. She did look a little familiar, but he didn’t know her. He’d probably seen her occasionally around the base. Maybe he’s crossed by her in the hallways.

“Levi, I was just… Um.”

Levi narrowed his eyes slightly. _What was her name?_

The woman took the hint quickly and pointed to herself. “Nanaba.”

“Right.” Levi said. It was a unique name. One he was certain he hadn’t heard before. If he had, he would have remembered something like that.

 “I was looking to make something for later. But I’m worried some of these spices might be too strong.” Nanaba said looking back at the shelf.

Levi walked to her side and glanced up at what she was skimming. There were rows of spices on the shelf in front of her. All of them low quality, but that was to be expected with a military budget. Each small jar was labeled with a little tag identifying its contents.

“They’re fine enough for everyone else to eat.” Levi said crossing his arms.

“Oh no.” Nanaba corrected. “I’m worried about the smell. Apparently, some of these are too citrusy or maybe burny.” The woman shrugged and muttered, “I don’t know.”

“Apparently?”

“Well, I don’t know how I would describe it. Say, you come in here a lot don’t you? To make tea?”

Levi gave her a questioning look.

“I’ve heard it from Hanji.” Nanaba explained gently. “You wouldn’t happen to cook as well would you?”

Levi watched her for a moment. Her friendly demeanor was unexpected. He still wasn’t quite used to people just being nice with him. Years Undergroud made such a thing a rarity. But after seeing no ill intent behind her words, Levi shrugged.

“I’m fine, I guess.”

Nanaba smiled softly. “You sound like you might be better than you think.”

Levi didn’t know what to say to that. His expression calmed into something more neutral than it had been in the mess.

“I’m just trying a simple dish,” She explained. “but I’m not sure what I can use that won’t be so… intense.”

Levi barely even looked at the shelf or its contents. He thought over Nanaba’s request: A spice that tasted nice but had little spell. It was as odd request but he went with it without much question. Maybe it was from his time around Hanji that made him question things less. Levi looked back at Nanaba and made a suggestion.

“If you can find some in this mess, you could try it.”

Her calm eyes looked at him with mild confusion.

“You mean this one right here?”

Levi’s fingers dug into his arm as Nanaba reached for a jar that was almost directly in front of him.

_Shit._

“Does this look right?” Nanaba said holding the label towards him for inspection.

Levi took the jar from her hands and looked at it for a moment before popping the lid and checking. It was what she needed.

“That should do fine.” Levi said flatly before handing it back and walking passed her. He’d left some tea right over…

“Thank you,” Nanaba said pulling his attention. Her eyes had a way of going thin when she looked happy. It had her whole expression looking soft. Despite her height and strong build, she had gentleness about her. Levi was pretty sure this woman could cut a Titan in half if she wanted to, but she seemed alright. “I’ll let you know how it turns out.”

Levi nodded as she left the room.

* * *

There was a _thunk_ at Erwin’s door as Levi nudged it open with a trey in his hands. Erwin looked up from his desk looking a bit surprised to see Levi. Levi ignored it. He let the door close behind him and walked the trey over to Erwin’s desk. On it was tea and a steaming meal. The trey _tinked_ as he seats it down.

Erwin blinked at the gesture. Levi glared back. Telling him to eat with his eyes.

Erwin just watched him for a moment, looking like he was trying to understand something. But, then he nodded. Despite the disagreement, Levi wasn’t about let the man starve himself. He often forgot to take much needed breaks for himself. He forgets he can only do so much.

“Thank you.” Erwin said.

Levi didn’t respond. Instead, he grabbed the rim of a tea cup taking it with him as he walked over to the couch and took a seat.  

They sat quietly as Erwin ate and worked at the same time. Levi relaxed into his seat crossing his legs and leaning back into the cushions. Perhaps yesterday was already long behind them. Maybe Erwin would just let it go. But it Levi knew Erwin, he knew the man wasn’t about to let anything he wanted go.

Eventually, the food was gone, and Levi’s cup was empty. Levi could feel his insides twist. Erwin’s pen stopped and then there was a heavy sigh.

“Levi…”

“Don’t.” Levi said silencing him with a harsh glare and a serious tone.

But Erwin wasn’t so easily silenced. He pushed through. “I’d like to discuss what happened here yesterday.”

“I don’t see why…”

“A promotion would be good for you, Levi. I just don’t understand why you’d reject it so quickly.”

“Because I said ‘no’. Why does it have to be more complicated than that?” Levi spat bitterly.

 _Shit, why as everyone so hung up on this_? First Four-Eyes, now Erwin. Can’t he just choose what he wants for himself? Levi’s face scrunched in annoyance at this whole situation.

He saw Erwin begin to speak, but Levi cut him down quickly.

“I have training.” Levi said flatly as an excuse. It wasn’t a lie. It was nearly noon now and his group were expected to meet on the training grounds soon. Regardless, Levi wanted out of this office. He wanted to be away from Erwin’s prying arctic eyes that were trying to solve him.

Levi rose from his seat and started for the door until Erwin’s words stopped him.

“Yes, although you shouldn’t have to go.”

Levi looked over his shoulder back at Erwin. “You want me to stop training?”

“No, but it’s a bit redundant to go when you’re outperforming the people assigned to train you.”

“Are you blaming me for them underperforming?”

“No, I-” Erwin made a slightly frustrated noise, which was odd to hear from a man who was always so composed. He brushed back a loose strand of golden hair and straightened his back. With hands clasped on his desk, Erwin started again. “No. What I’m saying is you should be the one doing the training, and you can’t do that as a cadet.”

Levi scoffs. “You want me to play teacher with a bunch of green brats?”

Erwin didn’t waver. “Yes.”

“That’s a terrible idea.”

It there weren’t alone Levi wouldn’t be so crass. He respected Erwin enough not to outright call him out in front of others. But right now, they were alone. And he said what he felt.

“I disagree.” Erwin said. “You’re scores in the training yard are among the highest we’ve seen, and that’s even compared to our more seasoned soldiers. You might not be accustomed to instructing others in this way, but I know you’ve done something similar in the past.”

Levi stared at him. When had he-

_Oh._

A bitterness flooded Levi’s chest suddenly as his expression wavered. Farlan and Isabel. He’d been the one to teach them how to use the 3DM gear. Their techniques were modeled after his own and were part of what got the attention of the scouts to begin with. Even without formal military training, their performance in training had been remarkably high. Levi remembers that. No one on their team had been expecting it.

“Levi, I wouldn’t be pushing you into a promotion if I didn’t think it was best for everyone involved. I need someone of your skill level operating with more authority than your current rank allows. And the recruits we bring in, as well as the other cadets, could benefit from your instruction. You’re techniques could help us reduce casualties in the field.”

Levi’s frown deepened along with the crinkle between his brows. He turned his head away not wanting to look at Erwin’s stupid face. Of course, Erwin knew what to say. He always knew what to say to get what he wanted. Levi knew this, but even so, he knew Erwin had a point.

Levi hated death. He especially hated pointless death. And if he knew that he could do something to keep more people from suffering a dog’s death at the hands of the Titans…

_Fucking Damnit._

Levi’s fists clenched hard into his palm, and he stomped toward the door.

“Levi!”

Levi yanked open the door and didn’t even look at Erwin when he hissed out. “Fine.” The door slammed behind him.

* * *

It was a pain in the ass. All of it. The formalities, the meetings regarding his promotion and going over his new responsibilities. This is what took over most of his free time over the next few day. Levi had to bite his tongue through most of it. The meetings droned on for much too long.

His first day as an instructor wasn’t great but it wasn’t terrible either. Mostly it just annoyed him. He wasn’t completely sure what he should be doing with these brats. Surprisingly they took the change in authority really well. Most of them even looked eager to hear what he’d have to say.

He ran the drills like he’d seen done before. When they finished the obstacle coarse Levi crassly told each what they’d done wrong. Any glee in the cadets eyes melted away at his words, and he had them do the course again.

Levi spoke frank and harsh. By the end of the day, the trainees were exhausted and still lacking in any real improvement. He dismissed them all and made his way over to his canteen. He barely even got a sip before a shadow was looming over him. Levi turned.

Mike.

The man hulked over him with a mildly curious expression. He gave a light sniff and asked, “How was your first day?”

Levi crossed his arms. “Fine.”

He’d been in the Scouting Regiment for a while now, and Mike was still a bit of an unknown. He didn’t hate Mike. Maybe there was still a bit of a grudge from the man slamming his face into the mud when they first met, but that had been on Erwin’s command, so Levi tried to move past it. They hadn’t really talked much at all since Levi first joined.  Mike usually spent a lot of his time off training with his squad or training cadets. Although, now they were both training cadets, so they’d probably be seeing a lot more of each other.

Mike looks down not really believing him.

“Yeah, it could have gone better. But it was you’re first day, so I wouldn’t count you out yet.”

“I ran the drills like everyone else.” Levi said.

Mike huffed out an agreement with his nose. “That’s right, you did. But Erwin doesn’t want you here to do it like everyone else.”

Levi’s browed raised slightly. Erwin wanted something else from him?

Mike seemed to sense his thoughts. “I’m not sure exactly what he’s thinking; pushing you into training so quick, but maybe you should ease up on the rookies.”

“I thought you just said I’m supposed to train them my way?”

Mike nodded. “But some basic pointers couldn’t hurt. Don’t just tell them they messed up. Show them what they need to be doing instead, or advise them how to move better in their own way. They need more of a leg to stand on.”

Levi listened to what Mike had to say, and thought back to his training. Maybe he had been more critical rather that constructive.

“I see.”

“Those are my thoughts anyway.” Mike offered him a small smile and took in a light sniff. His expression changed as he seemed to realize something. Suddenly Mike started to step backward. “We can talk more later. I’ve got to go ahead and write up my reports if I wanna make it to the mess hall at a decent hour. Don’t work too late.”

Levi watched the large man leave. He noticed someone standing next to the door leading back inside. It was a tall pixie blonde that he had met earlier. Nanaba. She smiled his way and gave him a light encouraging wave before looking to greet Mike as he approached.

Levi could see Mike’s shoulders relax ever so slightly as he and Nanaba entered the building together.

“Huh.” Levi breathed.

He gathered up the rest of his things and made his way to the showers with no intention of filing any stupid reports.

* * *

Two weeks had gone by into Levi’s new found position.  It would be a while before he was assigned new living quarters which was fine with him. Hanji annoyed him, but it’s not like they were keeping him up at night. Levi was fine where he was for now.

Levi’s trips to Erwin’s office had stopped all together as he focused himself on his new assignment. That was his excuse anyway. There was an air of tension between Erwin and him whenever they would pass each other in the halls or see each other in meetings. After those meetings finished, Levi felt the man’s eyes on him every time he’d bolt away before Erwin could get in a word.

Admittedly, Levi didn’t know what to do with himself in his off hours. He didn’t want to talk to Erwin. He’s the one who put him in this shitty position, and the last thing Levi needed right now was for him to put on that polite smile and ask him about it. However, everyday there was only one window in the training yard Levi felt his eyes being drawn to. There was one room that Levi kept almost walking to. And it’s frustrating because he doesn’t get why.

Not much else had really changed. Mike’s advice had proven very helpful in the following days. Levi started telling the cadets what readjustments to make. The improvement was almost instantaneous. The kids were even becoming more adjusted to his specific teaching style, understanding that Levi’s natural demeanor was often harsh by default, and it wasn’t anything they did. For a few days they even skipped the usual lessons entirely, focusing on hand to hand and quick last minute adjustments. This proved to be wildly beneficial when they moved back to the 3DM training. His students weren’t doing so bad. Not bad at all.

And he wasn’t the only one to take notice.

After training one day, Levi headed straight to the showers. He didn’t get far. Erwin had been waiting for him. Levi nearly walked straight into his chest when he stepped through the doorway to the building.

“Levi.”

He stepped back, carefully distancing himself from Erwin while a frown formed on his lips.

“What?” Levi bit out.

Erwin watched him with a steady expression. “How’s the training going?”

“Fine.”

“So I’ve heard.” It sounded almost accusatory.

A silence lingered between them for a moment.

Levi narrowed his eyes and let out a frustrated noise. “You look constipated. Just say what you came here to say.”

Erwin’s brows scrunched. “It’s been two weeks since you’ve started handling training exercises, but you’ve yet to submit any reports on your trainees.”

It sounded like there was more. More Erwin wanted to say but didn’t. ‘Why have you been avoiding me?’ was whispered at the edges of his words.

“I know how well they’re doing.” Levi said simply.

“I’m sure you do. But no one else does, and we can’t monitor improvements if you don’t. Keeping a record is crucial to assessing strengths and deciding their placment in the formation.”

“Do our superiors really need to know how many times one of my cadets takes a shit?”

Erwin’s lips tightened slightly. He was getting to him. Levi could see that much.

“Levi, this is an order. It’s one of your new duties as a team leader. You must file daily progress reports regarding those under your command.”

“Tsk.” Levi’s jaw clenched hard. “I smell like shit. I need to shower.”

“We’re not done.” Erwin said in a commanding voice. It halted Levi’s retreat.

Levi shot Erwin a fowl look. His next words were heavy with venom. “Oh. My apologies, sir.”

He offered Erwin a bitter salute that only soured Erwin’s expression more.

“Are you going to file reports?”

“I don’t see why it’s necessary.”

Erwin watched him for a lingering moment. Blue eyes bore into Levi, trying to see something unseeable. His expression eased up ever so slightly, but enough for Levi to notice. “Do you hate it that much?” He finally asked. “Is the change in position that much of a burden to you?”

“Stop.Doing.That.” He spat.

Erwin’s brows came together in confusion. It only made Levi angrier. Erwin was trying to dissect him again. It was this expression Erwin got on his face when he tried to figure someone out. He took them apart in his mind looking at the pieces like a child’s puzzle. He looked at the pieces, behind them, and beyond them, trying to figure out what motivated people. Levi didn’t want him taking him apart. He wanted Erwin to stop.

“Levi, you-”

“Fine, I’ll get you something later. Now, move.” Levi pushed passed Erwin, and Erwin made no move to stop him. He just watched Levi march off with a grudging expression.

* * *

Levi rubbed aggressively at his damp hair with a towel. _Fucking shit_. Levi felt like he was fuming. What the hell was he supposed to do now? He sighed. He shouldn’t have let it get this far that was for one. It was too late now though. He was a team leader in the fucking military. He’s useless unless he can figure something out.

How the hell was he supposed to write Erwin a report?

A thought came into his mind. There were plenty of reports in Erwin’s office. Maybe, if he got ahold of one…

* * *

It was well past midnight when Levi crawled out of bed and made his way down the darkened hallways of the barracks. This was stupid. Levi knew that, but it was the last desperate thing he thought to do. Lanterns hung outside offing little light on this moonless night. But, Levi found himself in front of Erwin’s office with ease. The path there was second nature to him at this point.

Levi kneeled down trying the knob, and… it was open. Levi’s brows narrowed. He rose to his feet and slowly pushed open the door. The room was empty.

It gave Levi pause. He turned looking back down the darkened hallway finding it just as barren. Something tugged in his chest; it pulled his gaze to the hallway toward something he wasn’t seeing. Levi tried to shake the feeling. He didn’t have time for this.

He made his way into Erwin’s office quickly rounding the large desk near the far wall. Levi plucked a thin slightly hooked piece of metal out of his sleeve and got to work. It was so dark, but Levi was used to the darkness. Levi picked the lock to Erwin’s drawer. It slid open revealing a drawer packed with documents.

As Levi looked at it, he realized he had no idea what he was looking for. Farlan would usually handle something like this. Levi would keep watch and stop prying eyes from sneaking up on them. There was a reason Farlan did the grabbing and Levi did the watching. As Levi thumbed through the files, he found himself at a loss.

Suddenly, the door slammed shut. The noise practically thundered across the room shattering the previous silence.

Levi’s eyes squeezed shut.

 _Shit_.

He didn’t even need to look up to know who had caught him. How was a man so fucking huge so quiet?

Levi let out a heavy sigh. His own previous rage and frustration melted away suddenly. He was caught. There was no hiding this any longer. That realization brought a strange sense of relief with it. Slowly, Levi rose to a stand and looked toward the doorway.

Sure enough, Erwin was standing there, and his demeanor was completely polar to Levi's. His jaw was clenched, the corner of his lip crinkled, and his eyes hard. It was an expression that seemed much too emotional of the man, but given the circumstances, it wasn’t unexpected. He was still in uniform. Which meant he either got dressed quickly and came down to do some late night work, or he’d never gone to bed at all. Levi was willing to bet the latter. Erwin was waiting for him.

Levi knew what he had to do know. He should have done it earlier. In hindsight, it now felt childish that he tried so hard to avoid this. But it was his own damn pride…

“Take a seat.”

“Erwin-”

Erwin looked at him with harsh eyes. When he spoke, his voice was not kind.

“Sit. Down.” Erwin ordered.

Levi’s back tensed. He obliged immediately, taking a step around the desk, and sitting down. His entire body suddenly felt heavier, and Levi doesn’t completely understand it. Cold dread washed over him and consumed him with a feeling that he’s failed Erwin in some way.

Erwin marched around him with stiff shoulders. He pushed the file drawer shut. The noise was grating, and felt like it bit Levi’s ears. Erwin reached across desk quickly lighting a lantern. A hot orange-red glow filled the room.

“Ignoring direct orders, refusing to file reports, sneaking around.”

“Erwin…”

Erwin shot him a look that told him not to speak.

“Do you think it’s been easy to keep you here? Your outstanding warrants and criminal activities certainly made it a very daunting task. The military police have been at my heels since you arrived. They’d rather see you hang then serve. Saying you would always be a liability waiting to happen. After everything we’ve been through, I can assure you, I was very adamant in your defense.” Anger was thick in his voice. Erwin was almost chocking out his words by the end.

Levi’s actions had truly hurt him, and the realization made Levi feel unexpectedly heavy. Erwin’s angry gaze was still boring into him.

“What would you have me tell them in light of this?”

Levi looked away wanting to ignore the question. His lips pursed together. Levi felt the weight of his shoulders as he realized he couldn’t keep this up forever.

“Look at me.”

Without hesitation, Levi obeyed. It surprised him that he hadn’t even thought about it. He just did it on Erwin’s command. Levi looked up at Erwin who was still watching him with glaring eyes.

“If I could just explain.” Levi said softly.

Erwin’s furrowed brows deepened, and his eyes shut. He took in a long breath that somehow sounded like it was teeming with fury. He held it for a moment and then breathed out. Levi wasn’t sure if Erwin would give him a chance or not. Then, in a detached and slightly calmer voice Erwin said, “Fine.”

 _Is he so angry he can’t even look at me?_ Levi thought. A heavy sigh escaped his lips.

“I can’t read.”

He doesn’t know what Erwin had expected him to say, but his admission was enough to completely break Erwin’s professional demeanor. His eyes flew open, and Erwin was staring back at him in complete shock. Like, what Levi said weren’t even fathomable words. For a long beat of silence, Erwin just stared.

Erwin’s mouth opened, but it took a moment for words to come.

“I…-I’ve sent you messages before.”

“And I’ve had others read them to me.”

“You-”

Erwin paused, and Levi could see every single one of their previous interactions darting by behind Erwin’s eyes. Those memories only confirmed Levi’s words. The more Erwin thought about it, the more surprised his expression became. Erwin had never actually seen Levi read or write. With Levi growing up in the Underground, a place that was poverty stricken and without any form of formal education, it made sense. Erwin completely deflated. All his previous rage vanished entirely.

Erwin’s lips parted forming an ’o’. There was something dismaying about Erwin’s expression that struck a chord with Levi.

Levi shifted in his seat and narrowed his eyes. “Stop looking at me like that.”

“I’m sorry. I never even considered…” He trailed off. With a heavy blink he tried recomposing himself again. Erwin clasped his hands in front of him on his desk. “If I may, how did you get around doing what you do without reading?”

“I went on word of mouth mostly, plus Farlan could read.”

Erwin nodded grimly, remembering the man’s fate. After a moment, he leaned back in his seat running a hand through his hair to straighten it out again. “Well, I understand why you can’t file reports.”

“I should have told you sooner.” Levi said flatly.

“No, I should have been aware of this. Most people in the Underground are…” Erwin didn’t say his next word.

‘Illiterate’ hung in the between them for a moment as Erwin processed this new information. Levi was left unsure whether Erwin doesn’t say it out of kindness or out of pause. Either way, Levi managed to appreciate it while feeling annoyed they were even discussing this at the same time. Levi knew how people thought. ‘Better’ people can read. ‘Stupid’ ones don’t. Erwin was not like most people though.

Levi doesn’t like admitting to what people would call a weakness. Looking weak makes you a target. It makes you a liability. As unfair and cruel as that may be, it’s how the world is.

However, Erwin wasn’t looking at him with scorn.

Erwin actually looked…concerned. Levi didn’t really care for that look either, but it wasn’t pity. It was a concern laced with something that looked like guilt. Erwin wasn’t judging him at all. It was as if Erwin had messed up somehow.

“I don’t know why I assumed otherwise.” Erwin eventually said.

“You’re from the surface.” Levi justified. “You’re used to people you’ve met knowing.”

For a moment, Erwin’s eyes were contemplating. A soft silence sat between them as he did. Erwin clasped his hands together on the desk, and Levi could see Erwin’s mind clear as he found his path. It was a look Levi had seen before whenever he drew out battle plans or was figuring out the most favorable way to approach the brass or deal with nobles. There was a shimmer in Erwin’s eyes that told Levi he had decided on something.

“Well, we’ll have to figure something out.” Erwin said simply with something almost…mischievous in his voice.

“What.”

“I will excuse this incident, but the problem still needs to be addressed.”

“What?”

“You have a bit of free time in between training and your duties, yes?”

Levi nodded, unsure of where Erwin was going with this.

Erwin smiled. “Well, that’s it then. From what I remember of our schedules, most of our breaks actually line up.” A happy smile settled on Erwin’s face, and Levi was still confused. “For the time being, I can set aside an hour or so whenever we are both free and teach you.”

That was unexpected.

It was good that Levi was sitting down. He couldn’t feel his legs.

“You aren’t serious.”

“I’m very serious.”

Levi just gaped at him. “Doesn’t that take… a lot of time?”

“Yes, but you are a quick learner, and I have no doubt this is something you’ll pick up fast. You won’t become proficient in a day, or a week. But a month or two of practice will give you a good leg to stand on.”

Levi didn't know what to say, especially not with Erwin watching him with that dumb grin on his face looking like a child.

“And don’t worry about the reports. I’ll be helping you with those until you’re capable.”

And so, they fell into a system.

Levi would bring dinner. Erwin would bring everything else. Books, blank sheets of paper, pens, etc. They waited until later in the day to do most of their studying. In part, because it was a less hectic time of the day. But, Levi can’t help but think Erwin arranged it like this for his benifit, so they were less likely to get caught. After all, Levi had hidden his illiteracy well enough that no one had managed to figure it out. Erwin was kind enough to try and keep it that way.

It felt… nice, this new routine. After Levi’s secret was out in the open, the tense wall that had been building between them just sort of eroded away. Levi felt more at ease since he’d taken his new promotion, and Erwin seem like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. It didn’t make much sense to Levi though. If anything, he should be more stressed. The man had practically doubled his workload by agreeing to help him. But Erwin’s wasn’t complaining.

Some nights Erwin was just too busy, and that was fine. They both agreed work always took priority. On those night, Levi took it upon himself to ‘make himself useful’. It was the least he could do inspite of everything. Erwin said it was unnecessary, but Levi cleaned regardless.

Just like Erwin predicted, it didn’t take long for Levi to memorize the letters even if Levi’s handwriting still needed a lot of work. They were on their fourth week of practice, and, like Erwin had promised, things were getting easier. The letters came with less effort the more Levi practiced writing. Once he had the letters and knew the sounds, he could start forming the words.

He was improving faster than he thought he could. He owed pretty much all of it to Erwin. While they sat practicing one evening, Levi felt obligated to say something.

Levi offered a small slightly forced smile. “You’re not bad.”

“Hmm?” Erwin looked up.

Levi gestured to all the books and assignments sprawled out on the table. “Helping people learn shit.”

Erwin gave him a light laugh and turned back to ‘grade’ Levi’s assignment. “Ah, well…My father was a teacher. We used to stay up going over lessons like this all the time-” Erwin paused looking a little surprised with himself.

“What?” Levi asked.

His voice came out soft and somber. “I haven’t talked about my father in a long time.”

There was something sad and far off about Erwin’s eyes. It made Levi’s chest ache. Erwin smiled softly and looked back at him.

“You’re very easy to talk too.”

Levi didn’t know what to say. People usually said the opposite. Erwin was watching him now staring deeply into his eyes with his own sky blue’s. Levi’s throat suddenly felt a little tighter.

Erwin cleared his throat and scooted a paper closer to Levi.

This is the part Levi hates. He was fine with practicing writing the letters and copying other words but not with actually trying to say them. He felt like a child, making nonsensical sounds trying to form a word. But Erwin was the only other person in the room, and even though the noises Levi made were embarrassing Erwin didn’t belittle him by laughing. Maybe, he smiled a little though.

Erwin snorted. “A what?”

“That’s wrong?”

“The ‘P’ and the ‘H’ together make an ‘F’ sound.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed. “Why?”

Erwin laughed lightly and shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s just how it is.”

“Well, that’s shit.”

Erwin shifted in his seat slightly. It looks almost hesitant, like he was debating something. Then it was gone as Erwin made his choice. He leaned forward with his pen writing in his usual elegant font. On Levi’s list of words, Erwin added one more. It was short, only four letters in length. Erwin leaned back in his chair looking amused and something about it made Levi want to hit him. Blue eyes looked to the paper and back to Levi encouraging him to read.

“Shhhhh” He began. As he pushed through the word he made a hard ‘i’ sound, ending with an aggressive ‘tuh’. He stared at the word for a moment before trying again. “Shi-teh.” Then Levi let out a huff of stiff laughter realizing what the word was. “Shit… You’re a child. You know that?”

Erwin smirked. “Considering that it seems to be your favorite word, I thought you should know how to spell it.”

After that, Erwin adjusted his tactics. Targeting words Levi would remember more easily. Levi learned that there was ‘a’ in tea, and it was silent. Then he learned that knife was spelled with a ‘k’ but was silent too. They continued going over single words that Levi could remember: Mop, blade, dirt, clean, dust, tea, knife, kettle, pot.

Levi knew he wouldn’t remember all these words in one lesson but the fact that they were familiar helped. Erwin’s patience helped even more so.

* * *

One night when it was too busy to set aside time to practice. Levi found himself in Erwin’s office. He brought Erwin some dinner since he elected to skip yet another meal. As the man ate, Levi did some light cleaning around the office. Once he was finished, Levi found himself moseying over to Erwin’s side.

Levi peered over Erwin’s shoulder. He watched him curve words into creation from the man’s hands with a smooth elegance. It was a little intimidating. All of his own words still looked rickety. Levi watched curiously as Erwin moved his hand toward the bottom of the paper. His pen spun again this time quicker than before.

Levi’s legs moved as his eyes pulled him in. Now he was standing over Erwin’s shoulder staring down at the final words on the page.

_Erwin Smith_

That’s what Erwin’s name looked like. It was strange to see it now when the shape of the letters had meaning and to know that the word belonged to the man sitting right next to him.

“Your name is shit.” Levi said breaking the silence

Erwin’s pen froze then his eyes darted over to Levi with a confused look. “What?”

“It doesn’t make sense.” Levi said flatly.

 “How so?”

“You said W’s always sound like ‘wuh’. Like water.”

“They do, but-

“and an E and an R sound like fire.”

“It does-”

“Then why is your name like that?”

“Sometimes words don’t sound how you think they will.” Erwin gaze went somewhere far off. “It’s almost like all these words and all these names came from different places. With different rules.” His voice was somber. “But we wouldn’t know, would we?”

“Tch. Can’t you do anything without getting that creepy look on your face.”

Erwin blinked. “Oh, my apologies.”

“Stop that.”

“What?”

“Pretending to be nice. It doesn’t suit you.”

Erwin leaned back feigning offence. “I’ll have you know, I’m actually a very nice person.”

 _More like a kiss ass._ Levi thought.

Erwin finished with his letter and tucked it into an envelope. He poured a liquid wax over the opening and grabbed his seal sitting nearby. With a steady hand, Erwin eased down on the wax holding it for a brief moment before pulling the seal off. The letter now donned the sigil of the Survey Corps.

He set the letter to the side and mechanically pulled out another sheet, but instead of writing he looked over at Levi.

“Come here.”

“Why?” Levi asked skeptically.

“Just stop being an ass and get over here.”

Levi did as he was told. Erwin scooted over a little in his chair and let Levi sit on the arm. He handed Levi the pen who took it. He watched Erwin, keenly waiting for instruction.

“L” Erwin said.

Levi eyed Erwin silently asking, ‘where are you going with this?’

Erwin tapped the paper with his finger. “L” He said again.

Levi sighed and obliged. He leaned forward drawing a still slightly awkward looking ‘L’. They had been practicing for a while now, but his writing was still a bit wobbly.

“E” Erwin instructed, and Levi obeyed.

“V”

“I”

Levi dotted the ‘i’ and looked down at his work. Erwin didn’t give him any more letters and Levi had a feeling they were already done anyway. He had been sounding out the word in his head as they went. After Erwin made him read ‘shit’, he wanted to stay ahead of the man’s games. But this wasn’t a game. Levi looked down at his own name on the paper not exactly knowing what he should be feeling.

“The first name you should learn how to spell is your own.” Erwin explained.

Levi looked down at his own name, unimpressed. “It’s not so important.” He muttered.

His words surprised him, and he doesn’t know why he even said them, but it’s how he felt. Erwin went still beside him. Levi could feel Erwin’s eyes on him but didn’t look away from the paper with his broken name. It didn’t look at all like Erwin’s name. Where the lines had been so elegant and so sure. While, his own looked small and simple, and like it didn’t even belong on the page sitting on Erwin’s desk.

Erwin’s voice pulled at Levi demanding his attention.

“It’s your name.” Erwin said. “It **is** very important, and I want you to practice it.”

He grabbed the paper off the desk and gave it to Levi to take with him. Levi took it and left the room without another word. He felt Erwin’s eyes trailing after him the whole walk back to his room.

* * *

 

Levi sat in his room leaning against the wall of his bunk with a book and that paper in his lap. A dim orange from candlelight lit the room. Levi thumbed at the pen in his hand just staring at the paper with only his name. He took in a quiet breath. Hanji actually managed to get to bed early, and he wasn’t about to wake them. Both for Hanji’s sake and poor Moblit who was sprawled out as dead weight on the top bunk.

Levi had gotten used to setting aside this time for practicing. Admittedly, he might have been a little embarrassed about it and preferred to wait until everyone was asleep.

He raised the pen to a clear spot on the paper. He was about to write his name, just as Erwin instructed, but he couldn’t find the motivation. It was so stupid. He only had a four letter name. It was simple. It was easy. Ii was small and looked a bit crude. It shouldn’t have been hard for him to write. For some reason, it just wasn’t what he wanted to write.

So, what did he want to write?

The question floated in Levi head pestering him like a cicada’s song. He had an answer, just not a reason for it.

His pen started to move, slowing writing out the letter of his choice. Then he was moving into the next one. As he wrote, the pull of his wrist became more intense. Focused and precise. Suddenly, he was rapidly moving his fingers across the page.

The parchment in his lap was being engraved with one word: Erwin.

* * *

Levi couldn’t teach Erwin much that he didn’t already know. But, he felt like he needed to offer something. Something more than cleaning his office or bringing his meals. When he finally settled on something he committed to it.

He marched into Erwin’s office. Fists tight at his sides. Erwin was a creature of habit, and Levi knew exactly when to approach him. It’s a relatively free day for the both of them. Luckily, Erwin had finished all of his work and Levi caught him before he went out to train.

When Erwin sees him, he looks over to the spelling books hidden away on his bookshelf. Levi knew what thoughts flashed behind the man’s sky blue eyes: ‘It’s too early for this’. 

“Not today.” Levi says firmly.

It douses the confusion but creates a new intrigued looked in its wake.

Erwin watched Levi start to move back the furniture with curious eyes. “What are you doing?”

“ **You’re** helping me move the couch.” Levi said. “Unless you’re afraid you can’t keep up, old man.”

This earned a laugh from Erwin as he stood up to help. “I don’t think we’re that far apart in age.”

“If that’s true, one of us certainly ages more gracefully than the other.”

“You do have a very youthful face. Honestly. You don’t look an inch over twelve.” Erwin jabbed. Knowing exactly what insecurity to hit.

Levi tried not to allow it to enrage him. After all, he was the one that told Erwin to stop pretending to be nice. Even in this, Erwin was playing a game. It wasn’t personal, and Levi knew he didn’t mean it. He was using it to tilt the situation in his favor. People never act as rationally when angered.

In only took a minute for them to create the space that was needed for what Levi wanted to do. Levi shed his jacket uniform and folded it before setting it off to the side. Erwin followed suit, draping his over a chair they had moved. They stood apart, divided by the length of Erwin’s rug and watched each other for a moment.

Levi eyes Erwin like he’s sizing him up. “On our first encounter, you demonstrated an embarrassing level of ineptitude. Let’s correct that.”

“I believe I won that battle.”

“Fuck, your memory must be going.” Levi said mockingly. “I wanted you to catch me remember?”

A wicked smirk crept onto the corners of Erwin’s lips. “That you did.”

“This isn’t military training. If I wanted you dead, then you would have been dead.”

Erwin adjusted his foot and turned to stand side-face. “Perhaps.”

“Your stance was solid but too grounded. It could have been exploited.” Levi continued.

“I see.”

While Levi spoke, Erwin’s face became more serious. His tone turned cold. And Levi knew that Erwin was cementing his words to memory and bracing for the inevitable assault at the end of Levi’s words. _Good_. Erwin was raising his barriers.

Levi took a step and Erwin followed suit. The two men began to circle each other as Levi talked.

“You left an opening on your right side when you moved to strike. Something that might not matter as much when you’re cutting titans, but could get you killed with a human.” Levi instructed. “Don’t let it happen again.”

At that, Levi twisted his foot and bounded toward Erwin at an impossible speed. Erwin barely had time to react before he was on him. Erwin reacted on instinct, moving as he normally would. He left himself open again, just as Levi had seen before. Levi easily dodged his swing to move in closer, hooking his leg around Erwin’s and knocking the larger man to the ground.

Erwin huffed out a breath when he landed. It wasn’t pained, more like startled. He looked up at Levi a bit surprised.

“You did it again.” Levi noted.

Erwin pulled himself up, rotating his wrists a little as he repositioned himself. “So, I did.”

“Try not to let it happen a second time.”

Then they were at it again. Levi pushed off the floor bounding his way with the same intensity. Erwin was already bracing, already readjusting his position to block Levi’s attack.

As expected, Erwin was a very fast learner. But not fast enough. Levi saw his opening.

His foot turned lifting off the ground to slam into Erwin’s side. The pain would teach him to remember. But Levi’s kick didn’t land. 

For the first time in Levi’s life, he froze. There was a twinge. Something deep in his gut that curled as Erwin moved in closer to his trap. In that moment, Levi realized that more than anything, he did not want to hurt Erwin.

Erwin eyes seemed to hone in on what Levi hand planned to do. Taking advantage of Levi’s hesitation, Erwin shifted heel and changed his direction almost instantly. Levi watched as Erwin twisted around him knocking him off his feet. The moment Levi’s back hit the floor, Erwin’s full weight was over him pining him to the floor.

The air was slammed out of his lungs and a dull pain shot down his spine. It left Levi choking out gasps. Erwin shifted above him.

Erwin pushed himself up a little now hovering above Levi. Blue eyes were now dark from his own shadow as looked down at Levi with concern. He noticed. Of course, he had. Levi was never one to hesitate and Erwin knew that. But for some reason, he had.

“Are you all right?” Erwin asked.

Levi looked up at him not knowing what to say.

Suddenly, he was very aware of where they were. Levi on his back, a vulnerable position, pinned underneath Erwin’s massive size. Erwin on all fours with his hair loose and hanging between them as he just continued to stare. Staring with those beautifully intense blue eyes of his.

Erwin’s thighs were pressed tightly against Levi’s waist holding him in place. Somewhere in the back of Levi’s mind he realized something. If it wasn’t such an awkward situation, he would really enjoy this. Levi shifted beneath Erwin trying to push him off. Rubbing against him really did not improve the situation.

“Get off.” Levi grabbed Erwin’s shoulder and pushed them both up into a sitting position.

There was something curious in Erwin’s eyes something he didn’t understand. Something warm and almost… enthralling. Levi tore his eyes away from him and rose to stand. He tried to shake off whatever it was that just happened.

“I’m fine.”  Levi said. He could feel Erwin’s eyes on him as he moved. He walked back over to where they started from and crossed his arms. “Now, let’s see if you can do that again.”

* * *

Levi’s head thunked against the shower.

Hot water rolled down his body washing away sweat and dirt. Maybe the sparing session had been a bad idea. He just wanted to show Erwin how to protect himself better. But now, the evening’s events relentlessly replayed in his mind as well as a mystery Levi didn’t understand at all.

When had he started seeking him out whenever they were apart? When had he started feeling so protective over Erwin? When had the man become the thing his thoughts kept tugging him back to? What was this feeling inside him?

It wasn’t love. It couldn’t be love. They hadn’t known each other nearly long enough for that. Then why did the very idea of harming Erwin send Levi’s insides twisting like a grapple? Levi was concerned for him. Always, he wanted to know where Erwin was and that he was alright. That wasn’t normal.

Levi didn’t think himself the obsessive type. Determined, maybe. Obsessive, no. Four-eyes was the obsessive one. And Erwin too, to a different degree.

Their time together started replaying in his mind.

Every morning, he’d seek him out. His free time was spent in Erwin’s office. Even before the lessons started. After he joined, Levi just felt… drawn there. It felt comfortable, natural even, to be at Erwin’s side. Even though they hadn’t known each other long. Maybe it was because of his grief. Maybe he just needed to cling to something familiar.

Whatever the reason, he found himself at Erwin’s side every day. They didn’t always talk. A lot of the time they barely said much to each other at all, but they silently agreed to pass those moments together. Levi made himself more useful. He’d bring breakfast and lunch AND dinner. The fucking tree couldn’t be bothered with keeping himself alive. Levi cleaned, dusted, and even started doing some of his laundry. Erwin would giving him appreciative nods that made Levi feel… good. Really good actually. Like he was right where he belonged.  

Levi never did any of those things because he was expected to or because Erwin asked. He did them because he felt eager to.

Ever since that first expedition, Levi felt eager to be near Erwin. All he wanted was to just be by his side, and it hadn’t felt like anything else until now.

He can see it clearly. Erwin’s intense gaze looking down at him. There was a warmth between them from the workout, from their breathing, from Levi’s sudden awareness of something sparking between them. The memory of Erwin’s tight muscles around him keeping him in place sent a jolt of heat into his stomach. It settled between his thighs. A stiff uncomfortable arousal took over. Levi swallowed.

The way Erwin had looked at him… he felt it too.

* * *

Erwin stopped going out to the training yard for his usual workouts. Well, most of the time that is. Now, he and Levi fell into a new routine. One they didn’t really even discuss. It just started happening. Every few days, they’d meet to spare and in the evenings they’d run. It was unexpected at first. Levi thought that Erwin, being as punctual as a fucking tac, would rise early. He’d get up and beat everyone to a workout finishing before most people had taken their morning shit. But, this was not the case. Erwin was not a morning person at all.

It hardly mattered though. At a certain point in the evening, right as the sun was dipping below the horizon, all of the other soldiers would head toward the mess anyway. So, Levi didn’t have to worry about running into others, or mindless chatter. Interestingly, it seemed like Erwin enjoyed the solitude as well.

They ran in silence. Keeping a steady pace near the other. The air was usually hot from cooking all day in the burning sun, but there was almost always a breeze so it wasn’t terrible. Levi ran a couple paces behind Erwin. As they moved along the path, Levi’s eyes fixed themselves on that space of muscle between Erwin’s shoulder blades. It gave him something to glare at.

 _How did they get here?_ Levi wondered.

When Levi first joined it was never like this. Of course, things had been different then, but still. Erwin kept his distance, approaching Levi with caution when they crossed paths. Most of the time, the only time Levi actually got a good look at Erwin was when he was staring down at him in the training yard from his window. Eyes a haunting artic blue in the shadow of his office. 

Levi’s teeth clenched hard. He had wanted to break Erwin’s face against the glass. Wipe that cold confident demeanor from his face.

The man had hardly seemed human then.

Now, everything had changed. They ate together, studied together, and trained together. Erwin was even comfortable enough to turn his back to him and run with him in seclusion, leaving himself completely exposed if Levi actually did want to try something. That space between Erwin’s shoulders was starting to sweat. Levi understood then.

Erwin trusted him. He actually really trusted him.

And… maybe Levi felt the same. Erwin turned out to be much more than just an icy gaze. Levi doesn’t quite know what to do with that. At some point, both of them slowly lowered their walls. It happened without either of them noticing.

When they made it back to base, Levi walked straight to the showers without so much as a word. He felt Erwin eyes on him as he left. Less than an hour later he was back at his bunk.

“Have fun with the squad leader?” Hanji greeted as Levi walked into the room.

Levi glared over at them. “What?”

“Erwin.” Hanji explained. “Did you have fun?”

“I didn’t tell you where I was going.”

Hanji looked up from their paperwork, giving Levi a very innocent look. It wasn’t mocking. It was simple, like Hanji didn’t understand the annoyance in Levi’s tone. “You didn’t have to. That’s where you usually are.”

Levi was about to say something but the words caught on his tongue. They were right. Heat flushed through him and Levi didn’t know if it was rage or embarrassment. He fought the urge to yank Hanji’s ponytail. That would be childish, and he refused to stoop there. Hanji was right though. Levi did spend a lot of time with Erwin. The realization shouldn’t embarrass him, but it does. It looked so clear all of a sudden. He just hadn’t really noticed before.

Levi lets out a frustrated breath and folds his jacket. He didn’t want to talk about Erwin right now.

“What’s that?” Levi asks eyeing the diagram filled papers encircling Hanji on the bed.

“Oh!” Hanji’s eyes lit up and Levi regretted his question. “It’s the first step in the next phase of the Survey Corps!” Hani paused for dramatic effect. “An in-depth study into TITAN SCIENCE!”

Levi’s face remained flat. “That’s dumb.”

“AHHHHH!” Hanji whined. “That’s where you’re wrong!”

“They eat people. What else do you need to know?”

“EVERYTHING!” Hanji squealed. “I agree they must be eradicated, but haven’t you ever asked ‘Why?’”

“No.” Levi says flatly.

“Well, start! We’re fenced in and surrounded on all sides. This is it. This is all we have. The enemy has us outgunned and outmatched. They have size, strength, and numbers, all tilting the odds in their favor. If we’re ever gonna start gaining an upper hand in this war we need to start asking more questions.”

“You asking a titan how much it shits is gonna save humanity?”

“You never know!” Hanji defended. “Regardless, I do think it’s a step forward. When placed in disadvantaging circumstances the best thing to do is to learn. And learn everything you can about the enemy you’re facing. Their strengths, their weaknesses, how they sleep, how they move, what they feel. Everything.” A sinister look flashed across Hanji’s face. “To do that, we’re gonna need to interrogate one of them.”

Levi blinked. “You’re not actually talking about trapping one of them?!”

There was a maniacal gleam in Hanji’s eyes.

“Oh, for fucks sake.”

Levi turned away from them. He couldn’t deal with this right now. There was enough thoughts plaguing his mind without having to worry about Hanji launching themselves into an early grave. Hanji continued giving their ‘winning’ pitch into the late hours of the night. Levi silently folded his laundry trying to drown out the noise. It wasn’t until Moblit returned that Levi was granted some peace.

Hanji and Moblit settled down for the night, and a strange quiet enveloped the room.

Levi’s head plopped down onto his pillow, but his eyes remained open. In a few days, Hanji would be taking their proposal before the commander and squad leaders. Whether they would be capturing or killing titans, it didn’t matter. They’d all be riding back into hell with no promise of return. He already knew death was a likely outcome. He knew that and accepted it.

But as he laid in his bed, he couldn’t help but feel like he was falling. Falling down a timer as the earth rushed to meet him. His lips tightened in frustration. He wasn’t about to die with a mess of regret knotting his insides.

 _Fuck it_. If they were gonna die anyway…

* * *

Several days later, Levi walked into Erwin’s office. He closed Erwin’s door. It _thunked_ loud enough for Erwin’s eyes to snap up from the paperwork on his desk.

“Levi.” Erwin said. Levi didn’t miss the slight uncertainty laced within his usual professional tone. “It’s a little early for our-…Oh!”

Erwin looked over his shoulder and out his window seeing that the sun had already disappeared, and no more soldiers were training in the yard.

Levi paused for only a moment as he wondered how he should go about this. He didn’t like games. And he wasn’t about to ambiguously flirt with Erwin all night until one of them admitted to interest. If they did play like that, he knew Erwin would win. And he didn’t want Erwin to win. So, Levi opted for blunt.

“I’m almost finished here.”

As Erwin talked, Levi marched over to his desk confident and unwavering. His eyes held Erwin’s and refused to let go.

“We could-…We…” Erwin’s voice trailed.

Levi’s hand found the back of Erwin’s chair. He tilted it towards him, holding it in such a way that forced Erwin to listen to him even though he hadn’t planned any words.

He leaned there over Erwin. His implications as clear a night and day. He would follow Erwin’s lead, whatever he decided.

Erwin stared up at him. Eyes wide with surprise. They shouldn’t have been, Erwin knew him better than most, even after only a few short months together.

Then his stunned blue eyes settled into something that Levi found hard to read. For a long moment, they just watched each other. There was conflict in Erwin’s eyes and Levi didn’t understand it. If Erwin wanted something he should just take it, but he wouldn’t do that would he? He wasn’t the type.

Levi had seen him watch the families when they traveled through town. The woman, the children, the nice homes. Levi’s even seen Erwin staring down at him with want heavy in his eyes. But still, he didn’t take it because he’d devoted himself to something else already. _Selfless bastard._

Impatience began to itch at Levi. So, he decided to take initiative and leaned down. He wouldn’t make Erwin make a choice. That could keep him from taking something out of selfishness. Levi would help make this easier, and he’d demand nothing in return. It would be good for Erwin if he had… something. Some relief from the Hell they face. And it would be good for Levi too. It didn’t have to be selfish.

Before Levi’s lips touched his, he saw Erwin’s mouth morph into a surprised ‘o’.

Erwin didn’t react at first. Their kiss remained flat and stagnant. Levi peered into Erwin’s startled eyes, hoping he could read the words Levi didn’t know how to say. Then Levi allowed his eyes to slide close, so he could focus on the feeling of Erwin’s skin on his. His full lips were surprisingly soft. It wasn’t until Levi began tracing them with his tongue that he felt Erwin move.

Then, it was like a dam just… broke, suddenly Erwin was moving along with him. _He understands_. Levi thought gratefully. Erwin’s kiss was deep and demanding. Sudden and hungry. His lips parted, allowing Levi to explore more of him. Levi was more than happy to oblige.

Well… He was right. Erwin did want this.

Erwin’s hand reached up grazing the side of Levi’s hip. In an action that surprised even Levi, he moved into Erwin’s touch. _What the fuck was going on?_ It was like he was magnetic. Levi found his hands slowly slithering up Erwin’s chest adoring the firmness he found there. His hands continued up and around Erwin’s neck as Levi climbed more onto Erwin’s lap.

Large hands had been trying not to touch him but lost their resolve. Now, they dug into Levi’s hips. Holding him like he might disappear as their kiss deepened. Then, Erwin’s hands were running up and down Levi’s back, tingling his skin and leaving a burning trail in their wake.

A moan erupted deep in Erwin’s throat, and Levi could feel it vibrate on his tongue. It sent heat spiraling in his stomach.

Erwin didn’t even break the kiss for what he didn’t next. Without warning they were moving. Erwin pulled Levi’s mouth along with his as he rose from his seat. Erwin lifted him up with a soft bounce. Levi’s legs wrapped securely around Erwin’s waist. He liked this position above Erwin. He liked letting go. He liked letting Erwin take him.

Levi’s fingers brushed through Erwin’s hair. Fingers being tickled by the stubble of his crew cut. Levi tugged Erwin’s hair roughly, earning a moan that sent burning chills jolting through him, as he pulled them back into a deep kiss.

They were moving. He’s not sure where. His eyes are closed, and he’s just trying to taste more of Erwin. He didn’t know how starved he was before Erwin pulled him in. Now he was drowning, and he didn’t want to come up for air again.

There was a _click._

Erwin had locked the door. _Smart bastard_. With Levi still wrapped around him, Erwin dropped them both onto the couch.

“Hey!” Levi breathed as they thumped against the cushions.

Erwin had guided them down and was lying on his back with Levi above him. Erwin looked up at him for a moment, asking silently if this was okay. Levi felt his frown deepen, but yes. He liked this very much.

“A couch?” Levi mocked. “That’s tasteful.”

“Someone could have seen us if we left, and I’m not stopping.” Erwin admitted. And, damn it Levi didn’t see a hint of satisfaction behind the man’s eyes. It was odd hearing him admit his desires so freely. But Levi could work with it.

“Me neither.” Levi whispered claiming Erwin’s mouth once again.

Levi pulled them up a bit and slithered out of his jacket. As he was tossing it away, he felt it again, the vibrations of Erwin groaning into the kiss. Arousal washed over his lower half and heat jolted up his inner thighs. But that wasn’t all. In that moment, Levi felt very… satisfied with what he was doing. He liked that Erwin was pleased, and he liked that he was the one pleasing him. Not only did Levi want to please Erwin, he felt like he needed to. Like, Erwin was a reel that kept pulling him back in closer. Like, he was the line tethering Levi to the Earth.

Levi paused. _Where did that come from_? None of this was making in Goddamn sense. It’s not like he’s never been with anyone before… It’s just… It’s never felt like this before.

He pulled back from the kiss. Confusion laced in his expression as he looked down at Erwin’s love-struck face. The man didn’t look like he could get out a tangible sentence, but when he saw Levi’s face his brows knitted and he asked,

“Are you all right?”

Levi’s hand swept over Erwin’s strong cheek bones, his thumb gently rubbing across it as he looked deep into Erwin’s eyes. They didn’t hold any answers. No. He doesn’t understand this feeling at all. But he likes it, so he takes it.

“Yeah…Fine.” He moves his hand behind Erwin’s head and pulls them down into another deep kiss.

They both immediately just melted into it. Their mouths found a wonderful rhythm as they explored each other.

“Levi.” Erwin eventually breathed. “I don’t have…”

“Front pocket.” Levi answered.

It was small and easy to hide, but there was plenty inside.

“You were prepared.” Erwin noted.

“I don’t come empty handed.”

“Is that so?” Erwin smirked.

Levi's eyes narrowed. “Stop being terrible.”

Levi wanted to kick him. Tell him his stupidity ruined the mood, but it hadn’t. It disgusted him how endearing he found it. He’d never wanted to hit and kiss someone so badly in his entire life. He claimed Erwin’s mouth once again with his own. Gradually, they worked themselves free of their cloths. Buckles and straps were unhooked under nimble fingers with precision. When it was Levi’s turn they flipped. Erwin rolled them reversing their positions

Erwin’s shirt came off in one clean motion. Levi stared at Erwin fine tones chest, trying to not let his arousal show, but he felt a hunger deep within him grow. He liked this. He wanted Erwin in him, and he wanted it now. He covered Erwin’s neck in demanding kisses and bites and Erwin pulled off Levi’s boots and tossed them aside.

“AH!” Erwin gasped in pleasure. “Levi, I…- I have to get this off.”

Levi didn’t want to let go, but he loosened up allowing Erwin more room to maneuver. Erwin’s fingers tickled into his sides as he pulled Levi out of his pants. His skin felt hyperaware of Erwin’s presence on his thighs. It made his groin ached in anticipation.

“You seem eager.” Erwin teased noticing the change.

“Shut up.”

Erwin hummed in amusement and grabbed Levi by the ankle lifting him up higher. Erwin nuzzled into Levi’s leg rubbing against Levi’s calf.

“Such a pervert.” Levi muttered.

“And yet you appear to like it.”

Levi was about to say something, but Erwin’s head ducked closer. His lips landed deep on his inner thigh. Levi’s breath hitched. There was another pleased noise from Erwin and Levi could feel him smirking against his thigh.

Levi only answered it with a frustrated growl.

Taking the hint Erwin moved on. He crawled over Levi and rose up his hips. With lube on his fingers he ventured his hands lower. He reached Levi’s rim, and once again Levi’s breath caught. Quickly, he brought a fist to his mouth and bit down.

“Don’t do that.” Erwin whispered.

He gently batted Levi’s hand away with his other hand.

“Let me hear you.”

Erwin wans looming over him watching intensely when he pushed his fingers into him. Levi’s shoulders went stiff, and his head fell back at Erwin’s touch.

“Nnnnggg” Levi moaned.

Erwin leaned closer and rested his nose in the crook of Levi’s neck as he slowly fingered him open. Levi closed his eye reveling the feeling of Erwin exploring him. His fingers were much bigger than his own were. They rubbed and curled deep inside him. Slowly, Erwin massaged he hot walls and worked him open.

The fullness felt so good.

When Erwin pulled his fingers out, the emptiness made Levi ache.

“MmmmmNnnnnnn.” Levi moaned in protest.

Erwin reached down working his way out of his own pants. It looks like he’s had enough waiting too. He freed himself, and fuck if it wasn’t impressive. Levi stared after Erwin, want heavy in his eyes and Erwin was all too quick to oblige.

Levi’s stomach muscles jumped as Erwin pushed into him. The stretch burned so bad. Erwin felt big, too big. His fists clenched tightly into the cushion and his teeth gritted hard as he tried to muffle a pained whine. But the embarrassing sound made it out regardless.

Erwin slowed. “Is…is this okay?” He strained out.

Levi couldn’t speak. He had to remember how to breathe.

“Levi?” Erwin started to pull away.

“Don’t stop.” Levi managed. He wrapped his arms up and around Erwin’s neck holding there. “Don’t stop.”

It hurt, but it would get easier. Just as everything else. It took a moment, but Levi managed to relax his body. Erwin nodded and leaned down again kissing Levi.

Their bodies rocked together finding a euphoric rhythm that left Levi gasping for breath. He could feel Erwin’s length sinking into him, deeper than he thought anything could go. Hitting places, he didn’t know he had. His own rock-hard erection rubbed against Erwin’s burning skin precum pouring between them as Erwin pounded deeper.

Levi tried to muffle his sounds. He really tried. But he also needed to breathe, so he allowed himself his cries and whines. They seemed to spur Erwin on actually. After every noise, Erwin would push harder, and Levi would forget himself a little more.

“Levi…” Erwin breathed. It sounded so strange. He breathed in in a way that sounded like Levi was the only thing that mattered in all the world. Levi wasn’t used to people saying his name like that. Like he was this precious fleeting thing Erwin found moments before the world caved in around them.

And it felt like it was about too. Erwin continued rocking. Inching deeper and deeper into him with every gentle thrust. Levi felt his composer melt away as he desperately gasped for air. Trying in vain to fill his lungs. It was so hard to concentrate on what he should do. Everything was happening at once, and he could feel every inch of his body writhing under Erwin. He clutched Erwin tightly as the larger man curled over him holding him down. Erwin was his anchor.

Levi peered up at him. The man’s hair had fallen disheveled around his face. Erwin’s eyes were squeezed shut and his brows scrunched together as he drove himself deeper suddenly. Levi lost Erwin’s face as his own head fell back. He muffled the embarrassing noise trying to crawl its way out of his throat. But, it still came out as a muted whine.

Then everything felt too much, and the world just caved in. Erwin gasped above him as they both hit their climax. Levi’s whine melted into a groan. His hips arced up into Erwin as he came between them. Erwin’s entire body tense along-side his, before his muscles were shuddering in relief. A hot white warmth filled him. His mind started to come back to him. Levi’s teeth gritted. It felt so good but he knew he’d want a shower soon.

Their bodies were glistened in speckles of sweat. And Levi’s lower half was covering in a warm sticky feeling, and Erwin’s release just made it worse. Erwin… Erwin was inside him right now.

_What the hell did we just do?_

Levi couldn’t wrap his mind around it. Erwin shifted them suddenly, rolling them both into a more comfortable position. They laid together panting. Erwin was still inside him as they came down from their high. Levi found himself snuggling more into Erwin’s chest. Maybe he should have felt embarrassed, maybe with someone else he would have been, but not with Erwin. He just did what he wanted to. Levi laid his ear right over Erwin’s heart and listened.

It hammered underneath him. Strong and sure. The noise calmed Levi quicker. It was assurance that Erwin was safe and here with him now. It also told him this hadn’t all been a dream.

Erwin stilled when Levi laid his head down on his chest so easily, like it was exactly what he was supposed to be doing. Then the larger man seemed to relax.

Erwin smoothed back Levi’s hair with a sweep of his hand and he held back his bangs clutching them tightly yet gently. It pulled Levi’s attention back to Erwin’s eyes. His heated lust-filled eyes were staring down at him. Levi used to think that Erwin’s icy gaze was as cold as winter. Merciless and unforgiving. They held no warmth, and there wasn’t any love within them. But Levi was wrong. He hadn’t realized that the hottest fires are the ones that burned blue.

Erwin lowered himself, pulling Levi into a messy impassioned kiss.

As Erwin’s tongue twisted and curled inside his mouth consuming him with his wonderful warmth. Letters flashed across his mind. E-R-W-I-N. He could envision his hand elegantly moving across parchment. Ink took form with remarkable precision, perfectly cementing Levi’s magnum opus into it. He finished. He could see it there floating in his mind’s eye: E-R-W-I-N.

Erwin. This was Erwin.

Constantly the contradiction. Honorable and deceiving. Kind and harsh. Rough and soft. Formal and childish. A man with the coldest eyes Levi has ever seen, yet somehow was the hottest fire burning inside him.

Erwin. His Erwin.

Levi doesn’t know when Erwin had become his. But he knew one thing. There was no force in all the world that would ever make him forget Erwin’s name.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LONG AF Chapter omg. This took forever. Guess what? this fic is now about the length of the Great Gatsby. That's kinda cool. ^^
> 
> Anyway shout-out to theessentialali at http://theessentialj.tumblr.com/ forever ago I read a minific of her's where Levi had trouble writing and was trying to hide it. It's since been removed, but it really stuck with me. So, I wanted to take it a step further. What if Levi can't read at all? And with Erwin being the son of a school teacher I thought it would make a really cute plot line. ^^
> 
> So, there was a lot of Ackerbond going on in this. After watching a lot of Attack on Titan and even playing the AOT2 game, I've noticed a lot of little things Mikasa and Levi both do that I wanted to incorporate here. Obviously some are my own interpretations of it, but i like the idea that neither of them really even knows what it is. Levi's very perceptive, So I have him noticing he feels different towards Erwin but he doesn't even know that he bonded to him so he doesn't understand who what he's feeling isn't so normal. I definitely had a lot of fun writing that.
> 
> I wanted to try to get most everyone in this side fic to help establish their relationships with Levi and to help move things along. Hopefully it didn't feel forced and Everyone had fun. finally got some Moblit in. Sorry it's not a lot, but there will be more of everybody soon.
> 
> I really just love the idea of Erwin teaching Levi how to read and that was the main inspiration for this whole chapter, I didn't know how long it was gonna by and i thought about splitting it up into several chapters but then decided to just take my time writing it and to post it as one huge chapter. I hope you all enjoyed
> 
> Let me know what you thought, I love reading your comments! ^^


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